four.point.play

gratitude

2005-04-26T14:15:00.000+08:00

i know most of the people i went to the beach with dont read my blog, but for them ill write this anyway, just because this is how i feel.

to m and g, thank you very much for not forgetting to invite me to the gimmicks and get togethers you guys set up. I know we've had our differences before, but the fact that we've been together since kindergarten proves we're pretty much friends for life - and there's no one else in the whole world I'd rather be that than with you two. For you M I will pray the hardest I've ever had that you will finally have children. If heaven lists down people who wish this blessing on you, I'm probably first in line.

to J, thank you for saying I can still play. I know that's a crock of bull, because not only can I play, but I'll beat your ass, but thanks just the same :). The fact you even remember is fantastic, and I promise I will start watching the pba from now on.

to the guys, thank you for sucking at pusoy dos. Next time, maybe you can just hand your money over, since you'll be doing that anyway, and we wouldn't have to play for 6 hours. I'll give you a discount next time.

to d, thank you for constantly trying to set me up. from experience, those things dont really work out though. And besides, for some reason, I still like the same girl. All the same, thanks, it's the thought that counts.

to all of you, ill see you on badminton night, and I promise I won't try to be the feeling pa-importante diva asshole I sometimes am. Ok, usually am. Don't worry about it when i do though. As far as I'm concerned, you guys are the best. Things were sucky, I needed the lift, and I was stressed to the point of breaking. Normally I'd say I was surprised, but in truth, who else could I count on but you? So, silly me, thanks for being there, and I'm sorry for doubting you. You guys didn't forget me. And because of that, I will never ever forget you :).

thoughts on the national ID

2005-04-22T14:40:00.000+08:00

posted this on my other blog but hey here na rin why not..

after reading this.

My initial thoughts on the National ID border on some measure of disbelief, not in the fact that the gov't would consciously undertake such an audacious assault on the right to privacy at such magnitude, but that it would consciously undertake anything at all of any magnitude. Remember, this is a country where the nation's top criminals enjoy rights like any other. Erap continues to live amongst us, and parties heartily as well. Imelda and her children are not only private free citizens, they're elected top government officials. This is a country where the President's husband has the nerve to stay at the most expensive suite to watch a boxing match - even as he knows local journalists abound - even as he knows he doesn't have to be there - even as he knows more and more people in his country consider it a good day when they actually have something to eat, and this on top of the unbelievably callous response of claiming it was all a freebie. That's not the point, you stupid sonof*tch.

But I digress.

I expressed disbelief because such a program requires tremendous manpower, finances, time, money (which explain why it's sneaking by us as well, considering many can enrich themselves in the process, but again that's beside the point), and finally extreme doses of political will, and just plain will. The will to make it work that stems from the firm and final belief with zero doubt that the Utopian premise of a National Identification System will make things better for the common man, and doggedly pursue it despite the many obvious hurdles aside and especially those coming from those who oppose it, and who are even willing to take arms against it. The government cannot even feed our hungry, jail a guilty man, or even put up an MRT line between North Station and Welcome Rotonda within budget and schedule. What makes it think it can do something like this?

There are 14 details: name, home address, sex, photo, signature, date of birth, place of birth, marital status, names of parents, height, weight, fingerprints, distinguishing marks and tax identification number. Seems logical, but out of curiousity how did these details come about?

This is as much IT news as National news. In fact, it is a geek's dream. Any database person worth his salt will wanna know how they plan to do it - and might have opinions of their own. It'd be an interesting topic. Would there also be web-based component?

"In no case shall the collection or compilation of the other data in violation of a person's right to privacy shall be allowed or tolerated under this order,'' the President said in the EO. "Access to the national ID data bank will be restricted with all information classified as "strictly confidential'' to be released or modified only with the consent of the individual."

That's as open a challenge to hackers as I've ever heard.

What other countries are doing this and to what extent is their success/failure?

GMA has released the first salvo, and thus it remains for the opposition to start, well, opposing. Reading the statements per se, she makes a relatively good argument for herself, stating the need for "A unified ID system will facilitate private business, enhance the integrity and reliability of government issued ID cards in private transactions, and prevent violations of laws involving false names and identities,''. The average citizen, heck the average geek can actually be caught nodding one's head on reading that.

As such the opposition will need to come up with a clear concept of why this is unconstitutional. A layman's version if you will. Judging from the inq7 article (and this article alone mind you, so I may not be fully informed), there is only a general concept of invasion of privacy. In fact, there seems a higher priority given to the President's sneaking through legislature to get the Executive Order passed.

Sneaky and underhanded as it is, to me it is beside the point. As such the public will merely pooh-pooh that issue as yet another of gov't's many internal strifes. The bigger and more alarming issue is the loss of one's privacy, and in order to bring attention to that, light should be shed on among other things: a) what rights are we enjoying at the moment. b.) what do we stand to lose, and finally c.) what do we stand to lose in the light of what the Executive Order is applying. Not only is it important to know our rights are being invaded, but exactly how, stating clear examples the guy walking on the street would understand, is called for.

trying to pee while holding a cigarette in one hand and a beer in another while blind drunk is

2005-04-21T18:24:00.000+08:00

..very difficult.

i now take a break from..

2005-04-20T10:04:00.000+08:00

my work to post this very important thought:

by gawd have you guys seen the Lingerie Bowl on Solar (I think) channel?

that is some quality TV right there!! I mean, I thought you couldnt beat those Taiwan breast-enlargement infommercials but this just blows them away!!!.

On Migs, Gadgets, Billy Corgan & A New Blog

2005-04-07T17:27:00.000+08:00

my creation of a new blog symbolizes that i have finally caved in to migs rather constant requests that i start a tech blog. reason(s) for which may be any of the ff.:

ive been writing a lot of tech related stuff lately (but not of the touchy feely blog stuff), hence should I decide to upload my thoughts on such somewhere, it should properly be segregated.

i wish to start something similar to mig's Pinoy Tech Scene as one of my projects for PCExchange in the future, and since that's obviously a whole-heartedly self-indulgent, blatant attempt to steal his successful idea on my part, I might as well give in to his request so as to soften the blow somewhat - or at least that's how it goes in my mind. Hey I'm just being honest here.

I can put some of my articles there - which is a horrible idea because (a.) who the fuck would wanna read my articles - esp. the geeky ones and (b.) wait till my editors hear about that ludicrous idea good luck in getting to write for them again.

Might give me some credibility, for a future endeavour I am contemplating that will be divulged shortly (hey finally a decent reason to read it yahoo!)
I just bloghopped through the subscribees (is there such a word) to PinoyTechScene and realized they're just pretty normal blogs as we know them - only that they've been written in a somewhat techie bent. This has forged my confidence somewhat to contribute.

A chance to make a blog named after my favorite album of one of my favorite bands - and maybe people will think that I'm cool by association (diba? works, right?). But seriously, Billy Corgan is a scary sonombitch, he looks like that guy with pins in his head in Scanners. However, like Ge said, "musical genius yan pare!".

I guess I just wanna give it a try. Why not, you lazy schmuck? You dont do anything halfway important anyway. ok stop printing thoughts to yourself

So there you go. But seriously, as I was sitting around I had thought of these topics:

how to write techie articles - likely the most presumptious piece of work I've ever thought of, but hey its the internet why not.

technology for technology's sake - my dig at gadgets people. man.that.is.gonna.get.me.into.trouble.

what the internet is to me - a topic I'd like other people to write about as well. Anyone should really, even if you write it in a 'what i did during my summer vacation' kind of way. Should be interesting.

the PC im gonna buy next week for my niece - there you go. the boring stuff. Wait till I get to php/mysql techniques though. That'd bring on the zzz's faster than shit.

wish me luck. visit it from time to time maybe i'll learn your ass a thing or two. Or not. Whatever.

busy lang

2005-04-05T18:46:00.000+08:00

is the common response to a 'why arent you posting anymore' query, not that there are a lot asking, just that should you ask, i wouldve said as much.

although that's not true either, as albeit much has transpired, ive found ive not been inclined to relay at any rate.

with that my life is then described. it has heretofore turned circuitous. the weeks past has seen large scale changes: From the completion of an arduous task, to the realization i am not appeased. From the improvement of a domestic situation, only to see it was merely cosmetic. From the possible forging of an important friendship, to the downright mystifying behaviour that leaves you in doubt.

And through the daze this has led me to, i am wary attempting to write will result in nothing achieved. No doubt there is much to say, but until I find the fuel that is my inspiration, attempts will likely not be worthwhile.

till then therefore please oblige. Maybe tomorrow, my muse will come. This by itself may provide the spark, or fall by the wayside like most have gone.

Suffice it to say for the moment, busy lang.

yall everyone have a good time now ok?

2005-03-23T19:00:00.000+08:00

vaya con dios this Holy Week, amigos. take care and be safe :)

he gave it everything he had

2005-03-21T07:23:00.000+08:00

he just got beat by someone better.

THERE IS NO SHAME IN THAT.

i can write about

2005-03-17T17:16:00.000+08:00

- how ive started to view some of my clients almost as a pack of wolves chasing after my heels. Unrelenting, unforgiving, slave-driving, selfish, uncompromising and without compassion, due or even at least, considered.

- how effort has been made to ~~dissuade~~/help my niece from considering ADMU instead of UP, and of our experiences joining ADMU's orientation two weeks ago, where we were informed well and thoroughly of the esteemed University's efforts in my niece's chosen field (med, with Bio as pre-). 'Dissuade' mind you, done in a purely economic bent more than anything, as I deem the two as equals more or less. However, practical the issue so it seems, her mother fears her emotions could cloud her judgement, and so the responsibility ends up in usually-by-the-sidelines me to 'knock some sense into her', i believe the words to be.

Much hewing and hawing later, and with some assistance from various alum of schools involved (many many thanks you will be duly recognized!), I am better friends with niece, I am more than well-aware of each University's details, and I am just as confused as her. Her decision, with baited breath we all await.

- my best friend. No doubt, a worthwhile topic, and to whom I've written about more than I likely should. And how with just one or two acts of untimely kindness, reminds me of the window referred to, when oft-mentioned phrase "when God closes a door he opens a window." is mentioned. He is the window. His kids, his wife, his family, our friends, their house, the clear stars in the night sky above our drinking sessions where we laugh and talk until morning. These are my windows.

- how I don't think I'd ever stop blogging. And how I see one or two occasional announcements saying such, and no announcements to the contrary. Hence, here is an announcement to the contrary. I like blogging. There are so many astounding writers out there. People that make your breath stop with their words, that make you wonder how in hell did they write that? From which depths did those thoughts come? What they do must be so much fun.

- how Atlanta fans must hate antoine walker so much for starting to play like an all-star again when he went back to Boston considering he was playing like a has-been as a Hawk, and it was only a few days ago.

- about why the scene where Adam Sandler either scores or sinks with Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates intrigues me so much. Or how I wonder why Love Is All Around isn't even mentioned as one of last year's best movies when I think it should, and some important inputs I got from Hitch.

- about how I wonder how forthcoming Bill Gates was in a recent interview when he says gaming is a good thing, directly after discussing what a wide and avid reader he is. The idea of an intelligent learned man (regardless of what thoughts you may harbor about him, he still is), like Gates condoning video games seems to conflict, and I wonder if he's just saying that to promote his own Microsoft Games.

- how I missed a chance to buy the car of my dreams.

- about my obsession with trying to get Sylvia Marie's life back in order.

- about how I'd probably be really good friends with someone I know. Except when we're together, I can't help but wonder how it feels like to kiss her.

yes, I can write about those.

if they were really serious about 'maximum restraint'..

2005-03-16T16:00:00.000+08:00

they could have at least waited a week before attacking.

that's really all there is to it.

tonight i plan to get so hammered i wont remember my name

2005-03-11T19:23:00.000+08:00

the way things are, a respite from myself, even briefly, would be welcome.

allright Jill

2005-02-18T10:35:00.000+08:00

Here we go, :)

Random Ten + 1 (from my head)

0. Go Deep (Janet Jackson) - Janet is the alpha & the omega. There is God, then Janet, then me. The sun revolves around Planet Janet. ok i think you get the point.

1. Stardust (Frank Sinatra ver): ahem ahem.. hope i get this right..:

Sometimes I wonder why I spend the lonely nights, dreaming of a song. The melody haunts my reverie, and I am once again with you.

When our love was new and each kiss an inspiration. But that was long ago, and now my consolation, is in the stardust of a song.

And beside the garden wall, when the stars were bright, you were in my arms. The nightingale told its fairy tale, of paradise where roses grew.

Though I dream in vain, in my heart it will remain. My stardust melody, the memory of love's refrain.

2. Torpedo (eheads)

3. Landslide (Smashing Pumpkins) - memories of best friend and great times.

4. Never Let You Go (Third Eye Blind) - 1 of only 2 things I can play on guitar.

5. Don't Tell Me (Madonna)

6. Who Knows What Love Is (Strawberry Switchblade) - Beautiful song I used to listen over and over in HS. Downloadable here. Download "Sunday Morning" as well.

7. Over & Over Again (Nelly ft. Tim McGraw).

8. Souvenir (Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark) - haunting song along with "Talking Loud And Clear" and "So In Love".

9. This is the day (The The)

10. Take Ya Home (Lil Bow Wow)

Musical Files On Your PC:

-+10gb

What was the last CD you bought:

Pirated mp3 containing Best ofs from Better Than Ezra, Green Day, Matchbox 20, Nirvana, Cranberries & Vertical Horizon for P50.00

Starmall Edsa Crossing.

Last Song Before Doing This:

Three Doors Down -

5 Songs That Mean Something To Me:

1. Parked Cars (Stephen Bishop)
2. Someone To Watch Over Me (Sting ver.)
3. Himala (Rivermaya)
4. I Miss You (Incubus acoustic ver.)

can only think of four..

Who Will You Pass This To?

1. strokoleyt. surely. duhat :)
2. bujoy, in anticipation of an eraserheads bonanza.
3. neut. Because I'll need a barong in 2007 and jeezus she needs to write about something else :).
4. rosa bec. accdg. to her everything will be all right.
5. kat bec. she's liable to write something that'd blow your socks off.

'at was fun! hirap, pero fun :)

we can get right before the night is up

2005-02-09T13:41:00.000+08:00

my sched is crammed tight with meetings and visits to clientz. yes clientz. i accidentally spelled that wrong but im leaving it there because i wanna be cool. or jologz. or whichever opinion comes first.

i wouldve said i didnt wanna change it because i've 45 minutes as of this very moment to get my lazy, but dressed and ready to go, ass over to greenhills and pick up my check. my check which will automatically be cashed and see me through another week of my life.

do you realize that madonna's 44?? (or something thereabouts im not sure) gadzooks! i suppose that's a compliment meaning she don't seem it.

at any rate im working out almost everyday now. partly because im trying to deal with shit, partly bec. im bored, partly bec. i started playing bball with ex-pro ballers closer to my age who just bring a whole new meaning to the word "magulang". since we started two weeks ago ive been bruised, battered, beaten and all other applicable b words that more or less mean my ass sprawled on the ground after being thrown about like a ragdoll. And i'm not a small guy.

so i lift. which i dont like really, bec. as Magic Johnson once said "weights doesn't really do anything for your game" (or was that Steve Smith). At any rate, i stumble off bed, do 15mins on the bike (id do longer but its booooring), situps, and lift. lift lift lift lift.

so now people look at me and say i look like i gained weight. which annoys me a bit, so what i do, i imagine that guy who tripped me last week was saying it, so i'd wipe the floor with his over muscled, over gymmed, retired-never-did-anything with-his-career-but-chase-chicks, ass (w/c if you think about it isnt exactly a bad deal, and actually he's ok he just plays like a wrestler), and we got a game tonight, and we need to win it bec. i lost money on our last one. hope he does something like that again. give me a reason to bring it on.

which is great bec. i have three count em three offers to write for three count em three diff. magazines on my cellphone right now, and im not deleting them bec. i look at em and smile :D. like that. smile :D.

and im gonna write for all of 'em. i had an article id been wanting to do for probably a year now, but i havent bec. there really aren't any takers, the current tech mag market being deluged by flashy types as they are. but this new mag just released is a good venue for it, and FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME I AM EXCITED TO WRITE.

and i think thats the topic of this post, or at least the part i most wanna say. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME I AM EXCITED TO WRITE. booyah.

so yun. up ko lang pic ng kwarto ko tapos lis na ko. listening to jlo's Get Right feat. some dude named Fabolous (where do they get these generic rappers??), so the lss will kick in..

I'm about to sign you up
We can get right before the night is up
We can get right, get right
We can get right

things have not been cool lately

2005-02-08T18:56:00.000+08:00

as can be ascertained i suppose, from previous entry. things regarding an issue have come to a point where i am unable to assert control, hence leaving me feeling rather impotent and powerless. (I know those two words mean the same thing so sue me i just wanna emphasize a point.)

at any rate i am in that staring-at-a-blank-wall-state-for-long-periods-of-time kind of mood, trying to decipher the directions things have turned, attempting to make sense of it, struggling for a course of action.

But none, as expected, has come. As should any hope of any. But naturally.

There was a time I once told a friend that whatever else might happen, no crisis is large enough for us not to survive, and so I recognize this as a point where I should take my own advice. I find myself applying a metaphor I made up of sorts, which goes this way:

What do you do if you're standing outside, and the rain starts to pour? Well, you simply walk towards the shade.

The rain represents my problems, and there's nothing I can do but just turn away and forget it, because its not doing me any good. And It's raining. Raining raining raining raining raining. And its destroying me.

It's time to walk towards the shade.

i have to believe things will get better

2005-02-04T22:13:00.000+08:00

its the only way i can assure that things actually will.

f*ck im dying for a smoke

2005-02-04T13:27:00.000+08:00

but i must not. must not.

quick announcement

2005-02-02T16:32:00.000+08:00

to all concerned,

please avoid or otherwise do not purchase the nike draft plus mid basketball sneakers, (available in black or white with a silver nike swoosh).

after only a few months of normal 2x a week use on indoor courts with parquet flooring, our units developed an unexplained nasty, nasty tear on the side, as shown below:

although striking in appearance, very light, snug on feet, and reasonably priced, said nasty tear has brought much disappointment with well-known, highly regarded and supposedly quality brand. Owner, yours truly, will henceforth think twice about purchasing from said brand again, or at least that model, and would advise others to do so, hence this announcement.

once again, you would do well to avoid the nike draft plus mid. thank you very much for your time.

this morning

2005-02-01T11:13:00.000+08:00

as i was reading the dailies, a few phrases shook me awake.

"Other entities and activities that could lose their VAT exemptions are cargo ships, cooperatives, books, medical services and legal services."

did you get that?

books.

they're going to tax books.

a quick check on the net was in order, and i found this, this and the only commentary, this.

so its true. our gov't is gonna tax books.

to those who know this already, pls. pardon my ignorance, i suppose ive become so apathetic to the news (who hasn't really) that i've let this one pass me by.

ok so here's the thing. 3 things, actually.

One, I love my country, and for such reason, i hate people who use the term 'only in the Philippines' in a negative light. i've always thought hope for progress as a community lies in the individual, and conversely, failure in the individual results in failure as a whole, so I try to be optimistic. Typhoons? Act of God, get up and let's go. No money? Put your back into it, let's start making some. Graft and corruption? Have faith that there are still those who don't judge people by the size of their wallets, and have the interests of the people in heart. In most anything, Have faith the day will come that good will prevail.

And then they'll tax books.

Second, from a personal perspective, everything I am intellectually, professionally, and to a great extent psychologically, is due to the written word. If there's one thing I owe my parents, it's their investment in tons of special books from Time-Life, Reader's Digest, National Geographic, three sets of encyclopedias, hundreds f paperbacks, and subscriptions upon subscriptions to all sorts of magazines, resulting in stacks and stacks of the stuff considered too precious to throw out. We had a library where books would cover the walls from floor to ceiling, eventually we had to convert a guest room to store them all, with many others left in boxes, the center of which was a huge dictionary like it was the Bible or something.

While other kids were reading Archie I was into TinTin comics, developing a taste for British tongue-in-cheek. While people were starting to get into pocketbook romances I was reading documentaries about the Second World War, feeling impassioned about the French resistance in Paris and learning how German Field Marshall Rommel's earned the name "Desert Fox" in Afrika. While the tv was the central place in most homes, I was on a trip with National Geographic authors reading about their journey up the Nile or studying eskimo whale hunting techniques that haven't changed in centuries, wondering how muktuk tastes like.

It's not to say I'm smarter, in any way superior or even better educated than most, frankly my high school and the courses I took in College were fairly ordinary, and didn't really make a dent on me. Instead, I liken it to local Chinese kids playing mincemeat with calculus in College while the rest of us sweat like pigs. It's been ingrained into them since Primary that they just get better at it than anyone else. We were certainly well-read, and continue to do so.

And then they'll tax books.

And now the 3rd part. Although me and my siblings have read tons, it only means that we just want more. There are two writers, an editor and a speechwriter in my immediate family, helped in no small part to our absolute obsession and respect with and for books, authors, stories, publications, and the written word in general. Our trips to the mall always results in at least one purchased book. We would trade, borrow, reflect on, opinionate, discuss, insult, dissect, destroy, illuminate and glorify books.

These days I've come to start to appreciate biographies for some reason, as well as history. I know it sounds rather phony, but I guess its just progression at play, a graduation from fiction. There's so much drama there, so many events in so many places resulting in so many deviations. One starts to realize that people in wars throughout history think and act almost basically the same, whether they were Polish troops dodging German bullets as Panzers rolled into Warsaw in wwII, or UN inspectors desperately trying to look for nuclear weapons in Iraq to justify the war last year, or French troops committing suicide instead of facing the humiliation of defeat from less-equipped but better-strategized Vietnamese troops in the 1960s.

Which isn't to say I only read that stuff. I've also recently completed Harry Potter to see what the fuss is all about, and before that Tolkien's you-know-what, borrowed from my niece, another reader. I just finished Grisham's The Last Juror, and am looking forward to The Broker. Finally, I've my eye on Muhammed Ali's biography, and was recently wondering how to get my hands on a cheaper paperback version of Bill Clinton's bio, and a few ones by some NBA players. I figure I'll keep reading forever, as surely after I get some of these, I'll likely have something else in mind by then.

And then they'll tax books.

I cannot for the life of me, understand how any form of economic recovery no matter how harsh can justify adding 10% to the cost of books considering what these have brought and can bring onto mine, and countless other's, lives.

I just read all I wrote above.. and I really dont know what to say anymore.

It's just inconceivable. A giant backward step guaranteeing a generation of non-readers, where ignorance, incomprehension and unenlightenment are the norm.

For the first time in my life, I'm actually wondering. What will happen to us now?

champions

2005-01-29T09:55:00.000+08:00

Melbourne, Australia -- In a rematch of last year's final, big Russian Marat Safin stunned defending champion Roger Federer in a classic five-set semifinal Thursday at the Australian Open. The fourth-seeded Safin toppled the top-seeded Federer in 4 hours, 28 minutes to reach his third Melbourne final in four years.

it was also, to me, one of the most nerve-gripping, edge-of-your-seat, prolonged-agony, gut-wrenching, fist-pumping, stomach-twisting, mind-bogglingly exciting tennis match, no, sporting event i've seen in months. comparable to dlsu-feu & pacquiao-marquez last year, ginebra-shell in the 90s, and lakers-boston early 90s, except this lasted 4 freaking hours, the last set alone lasted an hour, I think, with both holding serve for 6 games until Safin broke through, finally ending it at 1:00 in the morning.

you come out of it almost as emotionally drained as the players themselves. in my book, no one won or lost, they're just both champions.

my sister and i dont get along

2005-01-18T17:45:00.000+08:00

she doesn't like how when, doing a u-turn under the overpass on Ortigas, i would take the 2nd to the leftmost lane. I would note that most left or u-turns on edsa have two lanes, and for some odd reason everyone bunches up the innermost lane, usually leaving the 2nd lane almost free. She sees this as reckless.

she doesn't like how when, i usually just chop and throw things into what I cook, usually going with gut feel. she gets annoyed when i even look at what she cooks, and even the slightest comment or gesture would be greeted with hostility. My cooking is seen as unsophisticated.

she doesn't like how when, she once asked me if an article she wrote would be good enough to submit to a University journal (she teaches BusComm at a masteral program), I tried hard not to give a straight answer. To me, telling someone his writing needs work is the equivalent to telling him that he's balding, or he's boring company, or he's no good in bed, and so I try to avoid that altogether. But pressed to do so, I made a comment on how I did not understand a particular word, hence I would not use it, which of course is taken roughly, and turned against me. I am seen as ignorant.

she doesn't like how i try to borrow her car from time to time. She says it's for 'emergencies', as if such things happen on a nightly basis, as if we lived in the boondocks, as if I wouldn't be back in a flash if I had to. She is tight with her money, whereas I do not hesitate to lend her as much as I could as long as I had any. I have, on occasion, felt severely offended by this.

There was a time it occurred to me, that if i didn't know her, and we had met at a party, we would exchange a few pleasantries, make a few excuses, and probably move along.

However, last week as I studied the lab report on the cysts discovered on her back, or tried to at least, I was struck with a thought: I love my sister. She is a loving and capable single parent to three beautiful, intelligent, wonderful children. She is hardworking and driven, she is the fastest to rise among the ranks where she works. She is resilient and dependable, the challenges she has had to face in her life are more than I can ever imagine to witness, let alone bear.

I love her very much. If anything were to happen to her, I would not know what to do. I would not know what to do.

"absolutely worth it"

2005-01-14T10:52:00.000+08:00

(from washingtonpost.com)

"On the same day that the White House conceded that its futile search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq was, indeed, finally over, President Bush told ABC New's Barbara Walters that the invasion of Iraq was "absolutely" worth it. "

"Walters: But was it worth it if there were no weapons of mass destruction? Now that we know that that was wrong? Was it worth it?"

"Bush: Oh, absolutely."

- i dont mean to question Barbara Walters, but I dont know if that's the right way to ask that.

Maybe if asked in such a way as, say, was it worth it to needlessly lose the lives of thousands of soldiers, ordinary civilians, innocent women and children, the loss of their then peaceful way of life, the wanton destruction of a city and infrastructure, the billions of dollars wasted, the thousands of man hours that could have been used on more fruitful endeavours, and finally and most chilling of all, fanning the flames of anti-American not to mention anti-Democracy sentiment to a region of the world that over centuries has proven does not and will not forget such things, adding credibility to terrrorists and likely adding to their ranks, virtually guaranteeing more terrorist activity for years to come?

All for what?

A crazy man boasting nuclear weapons, who as it turns out, was just bluffing. And for all the resources of the most powerful nation in the world, it turns out He Was Just Bluffing.

Still worth it?

bloggable events

2005-01-13T13:29:00.000+08:00

around 1130 last night at oyster boy, dead tired after playing badminton, i said goodbye to my friends, then went over to another table and gave an ex-teammate sitting there surrounded by his pals, a big slap on the back along with a quick, 'tol musta!!!', while of course, reprimanding him for being a snob, and not looking when i was calling out to him earlier from our table.

except for one problem. turns out it wasn't him.

i swear i've never felt the effects of four super drys so quickly vanish into the cool night air. I rushed a quick, 'sorrythoughtiknewyou.', and high-tailed my sorry ass out of there like my pants were on fire - trying not to look like it of course - to the sound of distant laughter behind me.

k that was event no. 1.

event no. 2 - the cab i was riding was cruising along nueve de pebrero from shaw. i ask the driver to stop at the corner, realize i've only a P500.00 bill, he doesn't have change, and so i ask him to drop me off at our gate.

he then does an automatic u-turn sans any brain activity, and a cab promptly smashes into the rear driver's side. his taillight and rear end is wrecked, and I am covered with bits and pieces of shattered glass.

first things first, i'm totally ok, other than the shock of realizing the driver just turned without thinking, looking back if maybe it'd be ok, then seeing a 60kph Corolla in a panicky right turn desperately trying to avoid collision, a cacophony of screeching tires in the air. (wow i've always wanted to use the word cacophony!).

I gather in the US there'd be a lawyers involved at this stage, but i just get off, go to the corner and shake the glass off of me. I get a clean shirt from my bag and change right on the sidewalk, shattered automotive glass is designed to break into little squarish pieces, but they can still sting your skin. (To a blogger who lives nearby, it's the corner with the lechon stall. Don't try their lechon it's not any good btw. :).

At any rate I stand around and buy a Marl light from the lady selling balut, watching the two drivers conversation as their voices start to rise. Some nice people ask if i was alright, I assure them, and the driver, that I'm ok. A minute or two later I realize a crowd was starting to grow, and that another shower was probably a good idea, and with the driver's profuse apologies, I take my leave and start to hike towards our house.

I finish off the cig just before I press the key into our gate. I stomp it down on the sidewalk and look for my key, but all I could think of was how that guy at Oyster boy looked so much like my friend, smiling politely at me, with a perplexed look on his face. And after all that happened last night, all i think of is saying to myself over and over, "Shit that was embarrassing.". :)

ocean's 12

2005-01-09T18:05:00.000+08:00

has its moments, but i surely prefer the first one.

sorry for sounding like a pessimistic jerk, but..

2005-01-06T10:23:00.000+08:00

why would people think that things'd change just because its a new year?

yes i do sound like a jerk dont i.

sus.

anyway, i got 22 things on my todo list, and 2.5 days to get it done, getting less every second i spend writing this. off i go.

Nuthin But A G Thing..

2005-01-05T09:23:00.000+08:00

the blurb goes like this..

Mercedes-Benz is unveiling a new and totally distinctive model series in Geneva. Never before have two contrasting characters been brought together so effectively and attractively as in the new CLS-Class. The four-door newcomer blends the stylistic inspiration and infectious emotional charisma of a coupé with the comfort and functionality of a saloon.

yada yada yada

its a beauty alright. why is it though, the first word i thought of when i saw the thing was: "pimp"?

i could almost imagine snoop dogg coming out the rear seat in slow motion, wrapped in fur.. decked in bling.. going to some club..

da dunk

2005-01-04T11:41:00.000+08:00

just took a gander over at the NBA's 5 Great Dunks, where listed, in no particular order I think, the most fantastic dunks ever. Some stuff I've noticed:

- No MJ. Pound for pound, MJ's the most ridiculousness fantabulistic dunker of all time. Although spectacular in itself, his dunking is merely an interesting sideshow to his overall greatness, and what a sideshow it is. He has a more complete collection of in-your-face, unconscious slammz than any other player. He's probably dunked on every center in the NBA, hell he probably collects them. Yet he's not in any of the top five.

If I think about it though, inspite of being the most accomplished dunker, the one with the least to prove, the list is right in that I can't remember any particular one that stands out. Maybe its because he does it so often that he's made them run-of-the-mill. I dunno.

- No Dr. J. The good Dr. in Philly, running on a fastbreak, was it Michael Cooper rushing to try and foul/stop him? At any rate whoever that was, he was just a blur, as the Dr.'s rocket boosters switched to "launch", and with afro in full effect, probably for aerodynamic reasons, he grips the ball, does a full reverse 360 whirlwind and slams it home to the collective astonishment of everyone who's ever considered human flight.

His grace, his form is the stuff great NBA posters are all about. He was not just highly athletic, he was beautiful to just look at. It's like he rehearses these things, gliding with such style and grace for full effect. No one and I mean no one can compare even now.

- I don't remember Shawn Kemp's "Lister Blister" in the list. Sayang si Shawn Kemp. If he'd kept off the narcotics he'd still be a great player by now.

- I only got to watch Vince Carter's "French toast" on highlights, I missed the actual game. There is no doubt as to the former Air Canada's skills, but I noticed he doesn't get in your face too much anymore. NBA Live, ESPN and others are quick to pounce on every available fantastic feats of anti-gravity to promote the NBA, so its hard not to notice the absence of possibly one of the greatest dunkers of all time. Is it because he's scared to get injured again? Is it because he's still injured? Is it because he didnt like playing at Toronto?

Kobe on the other hand, still plays like he wants to stuff his knees down every available centers face, even more so during that court case last year. He was probably using his game as an escape from his troubles, he'd even score 40pt games coming directly off a plane from Colorado sans warm-up. So if only for that, Kobe should replace VC, except like MJ, I can't remember any particular memorable dunk of his. Maybe when he gets to dunk off Shaq one of these days.

- Tom Chambers incredible "The Torture Chamber (1989)" is still one of the most intense examples of dunking ability ever. Not only was it great, it was downright dangerous. His feet were actually entangled onto Mark Jackson's shoulders, and it was either he dunk it or fall 12 feet headfirst onto the ground. Scary shit, making it exciting.

- Like I said in the last post, Kevin Johnson (KJ), then premier point guard for Phoenix was my idol, and for a time I wore Cons and sported #7. His dunk off of Olajuwon was no doubt great, but truth is I was kinda turned off by his jumping around looking like he won the lottery directly after that. Sure he dunked off The Dream, but honestly, if I recall correctly, Hakeem was just standing there with his hands up in the air.

This doesnt tarnish my idol of course, he's still one of the greatest, meanest ball handlers ever, but I wish he just shut up about it, and not act like Barkley mouthing off like that.

- my vote for best dunk of all time? simply John Starks Da Dunk featuring MJ and Horace Grant in supporting roles. Why? Well other than being a no doubt unbelievable act of gravity defiance, it was also defiance of a more personal kind as well. See, John Starks is the most famous of a long list of unlucky sobs who've had to guard Michael Jordan while he goes about scoring 40, 50, or 60 points.

Get this, MJ on one of his many trips back from retirement (talk about diva), goes back to Madison Square Garden. Early in the game, the camera catches John exchanging sweet words with MJ, no doubt expressing love and admiration for one another. Yes, I'm being sarcastic. MJ then goes about scoring 50+ points. In Stark's face. In New York.

Unlike the other games, I happened to watch this one. Game 2 of the 93 Eastern Conference Finals, Starks and Ewing play 2 man ball, Ewing sets a pick, Starks drives on the right. MJ unfortunately gives him space, expecting defensive help from Grant. It comes, but too late. Starks is in the air, his chest parallel to Grant, his left arm gripping the ball in a perfect arch going down - thru the hoop and onto Michaels face.

Spalding on Michael Jordan's face.

Forget that Ewing/Starks/Oakley Knicks never won a championship, I dont think they even won an Eastern Conf. crown against the Bulls! Put up a Starks statue in Central Park already!

- In essence, I think that's what really defines a great dunk. Hell, anyone can dunk. Even I used to. Sure I was 20 lbs lighter.. and the gym was my home.. and I was xx yrs. younger.. (ok lets not go there. Bad idea.). And yeah there are more talented dunkers out there than Starks. Lots of them not even in the NBA - those guys in the And-1 tour are almost like circus performers.

But that's exactly it. To dunk against a hated rival, in a heated game, when it counts most, thats the stuff of legends. Which leads to my last observation -

Those 5 greatest dunks were mostly in the distant past (93, 89, 94), there's only one in 2000, not even in an NBA game (VC in the Olympics against a hapless France), and it's 2005 already!

The only reason I can think of is this: The NBA is running out of great rivalries. Those great episodes and scenarios that set the scene for such incredible feats.

And for that reason, the current crop of players, while talented and athletic beyond belief, have lost the true meaning of the dunk. Starks wasn't even known for his high flying abilities - he was a defensive specialist. Hell I remember him as much for his bonehead plays as that dunk. But he managed to do it in one of the most memorable scenarios ever - against his most bitter enemy, in an important game, at homecourt - Which happened to be the greatest player who ever played the game - in an Eastern Conference Finals - at Madison Square Garden - where fans really care about the game. That's the diff between just an ordinary circus-performer doing a dunk, and DA DUNK.

booshigishigi (thoughts on shaider) aka may cable na kami (thoughts while watching)

2005-01-02T13:58:00.000+08:00

got cable again after many months of mulawin. it wasn't so much that we felt we were missing anything, it was just that, well, we were sick of mulawin.

and so the first thing i saw when i turned it on? walang iba kundi ang Shaider - Pulis Pangkalawakan na si Alexis, at ang naggagandahan niyang yellow mini-skirted sidekick, si Annie, which i watched from start to finish.

so for really lack of anything to do on January 1, 2005, here are my thoughts watching cable the whoel day:

- first things first. i know annie (naomi morinaga) is a porn star now, and i know alexis (hiroshi tsuburaya) died in 2001 due to lung cancer, and he was 37. It's sad to read Naomi's description on japanhero.com: "Morinaga’s career has been on the downturn of late. After “Uchu Keiji Shader”, Morinaga starred in a number of low budget, sexploitation projects. In addition, Morinaga could be seen in a number of men’s magazines as a nude model.". Stating the obvious, it's a young man's wet dream come true to see Annie in the buff. If you were a growing boy watching her high-kick her way into your 'nice' dreams at night, you'd surely salivate at the chance to see what those white undies have been hiding all these years. And yes they're white. Always have been. always will be. knowledge of such things are important for conversation in parties and get togethers where alcohol is involved.

- like most Japanese anime/manga, I dont know if Shaider is necessarily for kids, or at least our Westernized version of such. This episode had a subplot that dealt with the violent death of a near-victim's brother - an issue im sure would be hard put to explain to ten year olds (which of course may or may not explain this current generation's issues..). An especially good example of for adults anime is my favorite of all time: GTO, featuring a 22 year old loser who one day decides to teach High School, and achieve his dream of becoming The Great Teacher Onizuka. Although a complete idiot consumed with get rich quick schemes and obsessed with looking up his student's skirts at every opportunity, he is endearing and has a heart of gold. I thought I was alone in following this until I read somewhere that the highly anticipated last episode was the most watched show in the history of Japanese TV. I'm seriously considering buying all 15(?) pirated vcds if only the guys at the hentai store would sell them by piece instead of the whole series in one go.

- although astroboy would've normally been my fave, in truth i kinda think he's... really weird. At any rate, I collect most things astroboy, although I dont have the shirt, which you'd normally think would be the first thing to have, except the ones at Greenhills are too fake looking.

- speaking of which, I've already collected two of the four astroboy giveaways at KFC, namely the balancing on a globe thing and the one where he's spinning around on what looks like a sado-masochists dream. I didn't get the fourth, a pump thing because, well, it's weird. But I can't find the one i like most - the watch. My car doesn't have an in-dash clock so I'm imagining I'd put the watch at the edge of the rear-view mirror or somewhere around there and it'd serve as the car clock. Wouldn't that be cool?? However I've been to KFC branches in Megamall, Gale, Shang, Caloocan Gotesco and LRT North and they're all out. I'm getting scared I might not get one, so any info that might help would be appreciated. Incidentally I already know of the large Astroboy doll being sold at Mcdonalds, however they'd only give it to you if you go for the 7k birthday party package. I've tried buying it straight out to no avail. It looks really nice, and the KFC ones are well made as well.

- anyway back to shaider, I always noticed annie doesnt get a cool helmet, pero she gets a waaaay hotter car (mazda rx-7) compared to alexis' wussy but cool nonetheless suzuki samurai. I gather there are tons of Suzuki Samurais waiting to be auctioned off in Subic, albeit right-hand conversions, wouldnt it be cool to get one and make it look like Shaider's? I wonder if anyone would notice though as his looks stock.

- ok switched over to espn, and wow, it's the Celtics vs. Pistons playoffs early 1990s. Of the primary reasons for getting cable, watching vintage NBA would be no. 1. And when I was a kid, of the primary choices for jersey numbers, I chose the low-key but incredibly smart Dennis Johnson's. I remember wanting my first jersey to be #3 like his, except somebody beat me to it so I chose #33 instead and stuck with that number most of my life, it's even tattooed onto me. Everybody thinks its because of Larry Bird but nope, it was Dennis Johnson, and later i alternated it with Kevin Johnson's number #7 of the Phoenix Suns. Although KJ was more athletic, DJ was far more efficient and just plain crafty. I bet he can't even dunk, but he's just as responsible for Boston's championships as Bird or McHale. Anyway, I even had an enormous KJ poster I bought off of a COnverse store and wore Converse most of my College basketball life.

- watched will and grace. Are there locally available pirated DVDs of this? The later Will and Grace is far funnier than the earlier ones. Karen (Megan Mullally) and Jack (Sean Hayes) are easily the stars of this show. I can imagine Will and Grace (Eric McCormack and Debra Messing) can be replaced if need be but not them, although they might not be able to carry shows of their own, they really can carry this one, especially Karen's character. Debra Messing's ditz character is especially one-dimensional, she is beautiful and funny and should be a considerable star by now but I saw her in Along Came Polly and it took me awhile before I recognized that was her. I'm surprised she won an Emmy.

- HBO's showing Undercover Brother. Last night was a Matrix II rerun (although I like the first one better), and StarMovies had James Bond, the one with the gratuitous Halle Berry scene walking out of the water in an orange two-piece in slow-motion. Reminds me of Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High cept of course she keeps her top on. They showed it twice. But the next morning, representing their powerhouse initial offering for 2005 and as a monster followup to last night, they come up with Undercover Brother. Duh.

- shift to evening, and you got ETC showing a biography of Princess Margaret, where they ask people like George Hamilton and Rupert Everett about their very limited experiences with her and even people who've absolutely nothing to do with her like Rose McGowan, whom they ask which Royal they'd like to meet, in a likely effort to fill time.

- Ch 13 is showing that horrendous show Bitag "Extreme", featuring yet another one of those pompous Tulfo brothers grandstand and sensationalize himself into ratings. This tabloidish blatantly commercial crap is likely to be borderline illegal, with him pointing at and screaming, shrieking even at "criminals" seemingly without benefit of trial or doubt, and I'm not sure, maybe even authority. All during which of course, cameras are fixed plainly at him and his team bravely apprehending and/or chasing them down, with the audience reminded every five seconds of the perils they knowingly face, and which their competition are afraid to. Even during credits we are treated to an impressive display of the host/producer/director showcasing his martial arts, practical shooting, and even driving skills, leaving little doubt as to his manliness. I doubt if this is any type of journalism practiced anywhere, except maybe his own, self-promoting, self-serving kind. Quite sad, this.

- 930 rolls along and Solar Sports has Milwaukee vs. Houston 7:04 left in the 1st qtr, while Philadelphia dukes it out against Denver with 2:20 left also in the first, Denver ahead by 7 and Phil with 18. Michael Cooper, who won five championships with the famous Laker team in the 90s is Denver's new coach, and for that reason alone I'm rooting for them. Iverson however is his usual spectacular self, and so its hard to predict. I'll go back to it later.

- BBC, CNN and all the other news channels are of course still focused on the tsunami, in particular this time to frustrated relief efforts at getting to isolated places and several countries holding back on New Years celebrations because of such. I'm not particularly sure if our country has done any holding back, although I read that we sent a forensic team, which is a considerable effort I think, considering we haven't been real lucky with Mother Nature ourselves, and that, lest anyone forget, we're broke. The fact that our own tragedy is mostly man-made due to illegal logging, I hope, is not forgotten by everyone. A particularly heartbreaking CNN clip shows survivors scrambling literally like animals towards a US relief helicopter with boxes stamped with "milo" and "powdered milk".

- Onto MTV/myx - what is Luke Mejares doing singing 214? that's not his song! Is he trying to get famous singing a song everyone knows isn't his? Is he putting a twist on it that'd make it his own? tsk tsk. Rethink this one, dude. Heart is still uncomfortable with the camera. Give it time, though.

- Finally, I caught SATC's last episodes on HBO. What can I say that anyone else hasn't? Brilliant. Everything, from shooting in location in Paris, the plot, the subplots, how the characters and characters lives turn out, especially casting Mikhail Baryshnikov, and of course the writing. The brilliant, insightful, amazing writing. I've missed a great deal of the show in between, and like most shows, the transition from the studio-like background in the early episodes to the almost movie-like environment is quite marked. From quick situational scenes in condos and offices you now have long periods of the miserable Carrie walking alone in Paris, looking enviously at four girls having a good time at a coffee shop, washing dogshit from her Blahniks, eating bread and looking like a scene from a Renoir sitting by the side of Seine with the timeless 'Adah's Theme' in the background. Just wonderful. The ending, with her hooking up with Big again, is exactly what defines SATC to me. SATC has always been to my mind, spot on in its definitions of relationships - the start of, during, and ending them.
Carrie's and Baryshnikov's character's breaking up, to me, leaves many questions. Baryshnikov's character is kind and loving, but of course flawed. In his obsession with his work, he neglected Carrie and lost her as a result. But I cant help asking, Is this good enough reason to leave him? Maybe he really will change after his work is over. He is obviously stressed, and sure Carrie is hurt, but can't she wait a few more days? Aren't lovers supposed to be patient with one another? What if she had waited? Then again that's Carrie, and she's far from perfect. But what if Big hadn't shown up? What if Big is also acting on impulse again, like many times before?

In most movie endings, there are walks towards sunsets, implied or otherwise, where we cheer for the good guys and assume they live perfect lives after. There are clear cut antagonists, clearly separated from heroes and heroines by their evil actions and words.

In real life, the people we have failed relationships with are never completely evil, they are for the most part just as confused as we are. As in movies we make relationship decisions too, except doubts always continue. The what ifs, the maybes, the duhs. And we make them as imperfect normal people, often involving fleeting passion, false expectations and sometimes caffeine induced emotions guiding us - often hoping the results of we can just deal with as best we can for later. Just like Carrie I think.

60,000

2004-12-29T13:51:00.000+08:00

the Mambugan, Antipolo Parish has a population of 60,000. According to an August report on Eyp.ph, there will be 60,000 new callcenter seats available by end of 2004. SM City Pampanga has a 3 level 60,000 meter shopping mall, while DOA Sec Edgardo J. Angara says that should a national shortage of rice occurs in Mindanao, his Department can fall back on 60,000 hectares of rice and corn lands in the Cagayan Valley to compensate.

Last June, GMA's SONA reported at least 60,000 new jobs were created in the region, while a study published in The New England Journal of Medicine shows that 2-3 hours of exercise a week reduces the risk of gallstones in females. It was done over a 10 year period and involved 60,000 women.

Toyota Autoparts Phils. produced 60,000 constant velocity joints for export last 1999, India's IT education network plans to link 60,000 schools, and on his 62nd birthday, ex Beattle Paul McCartney held a concert in St. Petersburg, where an approximate 60,000 fans were thrilled to see him.

As of this writing, there are 60,000 reported dead or missing due to the tsunami that affected Indonesia, across the Indian Ocean to Sri Lanka, India, Thailand, Malaysia, Somalia, Maldives and Burma, among other countries, with thousands more bodies expected to be discovered. Those who survived still face grave risk from cholera, malaria and exposure, and so that figure is expected to rise.

The facts mentioned above were after a Google search, when I was trying to grasp the concept of 60,000.

the new year brings thoughts of friends

2004-12-26T09:57:00.000+08:00

this is a christmas post actually, a day late of course, but nonetheless well-meant. and even if at this very moment i grasp for words, I am eager to write as well.

And so to all the people who have become a part of my life this year, and hold the proverbial promise of better things to come next year, I sincerely, utterly and deeply with all my heart wish all, my family, my friends, my friend's families, people who read this blog, my friend's blogs, acquaintances, strangers, even the haters (esp. the haters), both young and old, both far and near, The Merriest of Christmases and Happiest Of New Years, and bestow upon with a favorite phrase, to wit:

"He that is thy friend indeed,
He will help thee in thy need:
If thou sorrow, he will weep;
If thou wake, he cannot sleep:
Thus of every grief in heart
He with thee does bear a part.
These are certain signs to know
Faithful friend from flattering foe."

as is not my habit to unleash shakespeare, trust this a sign I meant all above. and with that this parting note: Thank you. I look forward to more ;)

this post is dedicated to a dear friend who left for the states yesterday

2004-12-23T15:29:00.000+08:00

to whom I mentioned that I will blog for in order to keep updated about things going on in my life, to which she said, "dude, may ym naman no.", which i didn't answer to, and left hanging, in the possibility that she understands it also serves as an excuse to start blogging again as well, but then again she might not, but I'll go on anyway.

at any rate, it's 2:34pm and my day has started out as planned, which is to say there is no plan at all, and it has been spent as a result rather aimlessly, which on the other hand can't be called a wasted day since like i said, there isn't a plan to waste anyway.

i woke up to several texts from a client requesting an explanation to why their email was bouncing when sending to a particular recipient, which upon review I realized it was the recipient's server's fault, and I thanked the heavens for under my breath, as it means I wouldn't have to haul my lazy ass over to their office in Ortigas to do anything, and I could stay at home. However at that point, after dealing with said situation i was facing my PC with nothing to do, so after the requisite checking email, testing client's websites, and generally checking if the internet is functioning as it should, I decided to play Need For Speed Underground II, which I'm reviewing for a magazine that's soon to come out (I'm writing again. I missed it.), It is an exciting game, and quite engrossing.

I played this for approximately 3.5 hours, which is a rather wild guess really because I'm not sure at all and am too lazy to actually count. At any rate, after getting dizzy from playing I finally stopped, and when my desktop appeared I realized I received several YM messages from friends (i was online while playing), with varying messages ranging from "hey check this out..", to "dude i got new gmail invites, want one?", several "BUZZes" and an occasional "tol u der?!", none of which replied after being replied to.

After all that sunk in my retarded consciousness, I went for the ref, decided that cooking anything was too serious an ordeal, and so decided to heat up 5 pieces of delicious putong ube. Now common knowledge dictates that puto placed in the ref spells disaster (rock hard, grimy puto), but on i went in the hope that reheating may disspell common knowledge. Vainly it turned out of course, as rock hard and grimy they were still, but at least warm. I didn't want to put them back in the ref so I ate them anyway, and this served as lunch.

I then went to my room for some reason, and chanced upon my laundry's increasing pile in the bathroom. Our maid took a holiday break and won't be back by early January (she assured, which I doubt), which means among others that I'd have to do my laundry myself. Of course, I could always get it done at any of the numerous places at Boni, but having no plan for the day, and it being such a nice day, which has nothing to do with laundry but being a nice one still, decided to do it myself later.

at this point several things happened in random order, including a text invite to a party tonight, a trip to the kitchen to refill a one liter water bottle (i got as a gift from a friend which i appreciate so much since I finally have a decent water bottle to bring to games), a text to Rosa asking what she was going to do after Christmas, the writing of this blog entry, and another text from old barkada asking if I was going to join them at Baguio on the 26th.

Somewhere between drinking half the water, receiving a detailed report of what Rosa was going to do after Christmas, texting an explanation why I can't go to Baguio with my friends (I'm broke and need to save), replying "la lang. I've no life." to Rosa, who asked why I asked what she was going to do after Christmas, which she then replied with a rather stern rebuttal, explaining I do have one and I should get a grip (in those words more or less), I've come to the end of this blog entry.

It's 3:12, it hasn't been a day and I miss my friend already, the one who went the States.

I'll go do my laundry now.

a few weeks back..

2004-12-21T16:58:00.000+08:00

several years ago

2004-12-02T13:41:00.000+08:00

my friend and i tore apart two of my busted PCs and one of his to put together one working one he could use. He quit the company we were working for earlier than I by a few months. Unahppy with his current job, he was living with his wife in a small room in his parents house, with a second baby just starting to to crawl. Perenially broke and getting frustrated at how life was turning out for him, we decided on a plan. I had the ability to bring in clients for websites, he would concentrate on doing backend programming while I made the frontend designs. We started on a project, an idea of mine, which would showcase what we could do. The PCs we put together from chop chop parts hard disk broke, and we waited three weeks for my pay to buy a new one.

this point I remember clearly. We were so excited that we ~~stole~~ borrowed his neighbor's motorcycle to withdraw my pay from an atm, and motored across several computer stores in alabang in the blazing summer heat to look for the best deal for a maxtor hard disk (even a P50.00 saving was crucial). As usual we were broke. However the image of us, me clutching a precious 4.5gb hard disk and him maneuvering across traffic on a sputtering 125cc motorcycle trying to get back before the owner noticed it was gone, left a distinct imprint in my head.

We were following through on a plan to improve our lives. We were excited, nervous, and absolutely convinced we were going to succeed. We were also getting an impromptu suntan (it was May and it was super hot), but it didnt matter shit. we were grinning like idiots.

flashback to last week.

the baby, my godchild, that was learning to crawl is now five years old and heavy as a half sack of rice, bouncing on my knee as we navigate through Super Mario for Nintendo emulated for the PC. im at his house he rents in Sta. Rosa, leaps and bounds better than the tiny room in his parents house where we made plans years ago. There's a party outside, and by the dining table my friend's relatives sound like they're arguing over something, but that's really how they normally talk. The conversations are punctuated by streaks of laughter, twenty people talking at the same time, everyone trying to stress some point.

im asked to join a short trip to the mall, purposes unknown, so i pick up my wallet from my bag. Still a little winded from the trip from Manila, I get in his brother in law's auv anyway.

An hour later, myself, his wife and bro in law are gawking at a row of tvs at abenson's. I was getting the same feeling tourists get when they're in another country, giddy, excited and for all the world looking like morons. A project we did a few months ago pushed through. We both got paid, and he decided, quite rightfully, its time for a reward. Somewhere in between checking out other stuff in the store, making jokes about buying useless things, and reminiscing about the stuff we couldn't afford back then, we decided on a 21' Sony with a gigantic built in woofer.

the evening and morning after was spent watching dvd after dvd on it, after which it was my time for a crack at the program we were working on - something we think would put us on the map. I work on it for a day and a half. Our previous exploits turned a lot of heads, got us an award or two, but still no cigar money-wise. This time, we agreed, in between clients, we'd find time to finally do the killer app. Things are better now, we agreed. We've survived the worst, and our devotion to our clients is paying back.

on the trip back home with the new tv, i'm fairly sure it's left another imprint in my head.

After so many years, we're still following through on a plan to improve our lives. We're still excited, nervous, and absolutely convinced we are going to succeed. this time though, instead of a suntan, it rained two days straight.

But it didnt matter shit. Especially last Tuesday, his birthday.

years later, were still grinning like idiots.

man im tired

2004-11-17T11:35:00.000+08:00

today will be just sleep..

zzzz

today

2004-11-14T23:55:00.000+08:00

- sometimes i write poems and stupid limericks that really aren't any good :P. The other day I wrote one and read it to three friends who all found.. creative ways to express what they thought :). blogger however was screwy that day so I didn't get to post it, which is probably just as well.

- i've only had one watch in my life, a beautiful Swiss brand my dad gave me after a trip to Europe. i had it for 12 years after a maid stole it, and I've never bought another watch since. I guess it's because it was so priceless that it's really quite irreplaceable.

- my name is Gabriel, after my paternal grandfather, which lots of people want me to use rather than the too common Gary. I have a "III" in my birth certificate I've never used, and sometimes I worry that if I need to sign something legal and important one day, I'd need to bring that up. I am the youngest of three with two sisters. Yes, you'd probably say, bunso na, only boy pa!. I assure you though, I was hardly spoiled.

- I love my black 501 jeans which i sometimes wear around the house for no reason. Everyone should have a fave pair of jeans.

- my dog Zoey has developed cataracts, and is probably half blind, which explains why she sometimes goes around barking at nothing in particular. :(

- I am most comfortable with simple people from simple families, which is why I love everything Pinoy. To me there is hardly anything more Pinoy than a gathering of friends and family, with everyone just having a good time being around each other. This is the key to why I like the people I like, which I'm surprised no one bothered to ask. My dream girl is a down to earth, transparent soul with her feet firmly planted on the ground and who values family above all else. The things important to her are achievable, humble goals born not out of insecurity or misguided ideals but of a need for expression and sincere personal growth. if i find one, id chase after her like a lost puppy, and we'd have one of those long relationships nobody pays attention to anymore because nothing happens, and isnt blogworthy enough because there's no angst. All we'd need is each other and we'd become better people for it. Though girls like these seem simple, hence maybe common, they are in fact, rare, comparable to gems.

- I'm saddened that over time that people have interpreted me wrong. I've only been trying to stick to what I believe and be my own self, and in so doing I know I have the most chance to prevail, otherwise if not, then at least I tried to do things the best way I can.

- I want Rosa to, if she gets caught by the MMDA, with complete prejudice, distinct lack of conscience, but with confidence, bribe him to kingdom come. Then if he agrees, haggle him for half the price. Screw right or wrong, screw morals, screw scruples, screw ethics. One day she's going to have clients who're gonna depend on her, and I want her to, sans compunction, qualm or shame, worm, scream, charm and threaten her way out. Do it.

- i wanted to write stories for my nieces and nephew mainly because I thought that Aesop's, Grimms and Hans Christian Anderson fairy tales ranged from slightly off to downright sick or sad. The Matchstick Girl, Little Mermaid, The Steadfast Tin Soldier, etc, are so heartbreaking, anyone who grows up on that stuff is sure to get twisted! I still have some of what i wrote, I'll post them one day if I've nothing to post. I hope they're better than my poems! :P.

- i think the characters of Jesse and Celine in before sunset were sometimes too glib. Delpy is prettier here than in sunrise, and also the better of the two, I remember most the scene in the car where she reached out to Jesse then held back.

- i'm chewing on an Altoid's again.

- One day, I wanna be a big, overweight basketball fan. Back when lots of people watch our games I'd envy those dudes screaming and cheering their lungs out. It's just that they look like they're having so much fun,loading up on drinks and snacks, booing and cheering with either whole families, barkada, families or gf, enjoying the game they love and having the time of their lives.

- Chickenjoy is Better Than KFC. Chickenjoy is Better Than KFC. Chickenjoy is Better Than KFC.

- I type really fast and I hate the mouse. I spend time learning shortcut keys, the way i see it i have to learn to use programs as fast as i can think otherwise it hampers my creativity (nakzz).

- i seldom remember my dreams, but around a week ago, i dreamt i was in HK again with what I think were friends. we were at the airport getting in line at the terminal back to Manila when I realized I didn't have something important with me, probably my passport, so I asked to be left behind. I remember feeling incredibly lonely, and was trying to collect myself as I went back to the hotel, and next thing I knew I was in a cab ala Amazing Race, struggling to remain composed, knowing I should be but for some reason wasn't. I was jolted awake by the maid knocking at the door asking for the keys to the front gate (i lock it every night), so I didn't find out. Probably just a dream.

- it's my birthday today :) :)

- the most tiring questions I hear are "why aren't you married?", followed by the almost automatic "what's wrong with you?!". Not that it's irritating, it's just I don't know what to say, and it kinda kills the conversation on the spot, so I end up saying things like - "the girl I love is in love with someone else", or "the girl i like doesn't like me.", sabay malayong tingin, or sometimes "malay mo tayo.", if it's a girl asking (gawd that has gotten me into soooo much trouble!) - to lighten the mood.

Frankly, I really don't know why, nor do I think about it all that much, except like I said when people hound me about it. At this point I should come up with some deep meaning of life or some broad, esoteric, deep reflections of a single guy, type of thing, but honestly I have nothing to say, and am probably just as clueless as the next guy.

Except maybe to disclaim possible opinions, so here goes: Of course I want to get married. There was a time I was determined to marry someone. Of course I want to have kids. I worry about how old I'd be when the kid i'll have goes to College. Of course I get lonely. however I have friends who care for me (proof there's a Higher Being), and im easy to please, perfectly content with vcut, beer, and a ballgame on tv.

...

I find it strange that some women find me attractive almost exclusively because of this. I know that statement reeks of arrogance, and hate me if you must, but it's true, and I'm fucking sick and tired of it, because it opens them up to hurt, an entirely unwelcome feeling for me. Most of all, it makes me feel sad, and several times i've died of GUILT, which I feel I would not otherwise have felt if they didn't have those opinions to begin with.

I would so much like it better if, say, someone liked me for my writing (ahem), or my bball (double ahem), or my looks (woohooo!), or just plain liked me. I mean come on! At least its less complicated, maybe even fun! Having fun should be the whole point, shouldn't it?!?

- my 10 yr old niece is standing beside me at the moment trying to needle p25.00 from me to play Ragnarok. its heartbreakign not to give in to her, and I have no problem with Ragnarok, but it's too easy to just pull it out my wallet. I want her to earn it somehow, but I have no idea how.

- i am most thankful for the fact i'm as healthy as i was since my twenties, not counting of course when we were in training. i can still be as quick and energetic as I was, and that's how i earned the nickname 'astroboy'. sure i know things will change eventually, but for the most part i dont feel my age at all :).

- i do have a reflection on the past year though. this is the year i've proven a lot to myself, and detractors (aka the haters) as well. this year I've proven i can work the way i want and earn as much if not more than the tie-wearing office-going zombie i used to be, earning ok but getting the life sucked out of me everyday. 4 years ago i realized that the benefits and pay were compromise for diminishing opportunity and growing frustration, so I gave my disrespectful, overbearing, racist boss the finger he so richly deserved, and left.

for a second time in my life, i lost my car, i lost the lifestyle that went with the pay, and the haters thought i lost my mind. Hell I'd be lying if I said I didn't doubt myself. But now looking back, i know i dont regret a single moment.

having said that, i now say that in all humility, it gives me great pleasure to be me. for all my errors, and all my stupidity, and all my mistakes. for all the failed trials and idiocy, for all the questionable things I've done, for all my self doubt and second guessing, I honestly think i've turned out ok. Right now, I don't want to be anyone else, or anywhere else. That may or may not be a good thing, but it's the way it is.

- whew that was a lot. anyway, that there was my bday post!

- its gonna be a loong week :)

yesterday

2004-11-12T09:35:00.000+08:00

it's important to get this right, just so i'll remember it.

8am - awoke, switched on PC, ate bread and leftover hotdog. gave cash to mom. wished my sister happy birthday. got ready for a day planned to do nothing but sit on my pc and work on a proj.
835am - got down to work. read an email from client requesting i add an email address to a server i take care of.
836am - logged on via net. standard commands to try above result in strange error results. decided to reboot it.
845am - should be ok now, but still cant login. i ym the chief about it, he gives suggestions.
900am - secretaries coming in by now, so I called their office and issue verbal command to receptionist: 'wisheaaart, pwede paki-reboot yung server, pls?!', who's doen this a million times before, and obliges 'sure darling!'.
905am - still no go. start to get angsty. decide to shower and change while waiting.
930am - after angsty shower, i try to work some, make some calls, even plan for lunch with rosa, even try to blog, but can't think of anything but the server. Decide to go to ortigas, grumbling under my breath. i figure it wouldnt take that long, i can still have that lunch and plant my ass on my PC to work before 1pm. Not all that worried, but still.
1030am - 'oh no.'. upon reflection, i should probably have come up with something more interesting than 'oh no.', but my brain was still trying to wrap around the thought of the server crashing, my proj delayed, how this affects my clients work and possible quick remedies, plus try to figure out what exactly was wrong, and explain this to client, in no particular order. this server is solid as a rock. i turn it off only about once a month for 3 years running. but not today.
1045am - 'when is the server going to get fixed? we have very important work pending our emails.' - text from chief partner in client's firm. i rehearse before i go to his office to tell him. he says ok, get it done. i go.
1115pm - first probability is hardware, so i rush back home to pick up a spare PC and come back.
1230pm - quick bite. i didnt want to get hungry or tired. raining hard, and guards insist on making me run around to the admin to sign things to get a PC into the bldg., but for the most part people are cooperative. i'm back before 1.
3pm - stuck. it looks like corrupt files. go back home to get cds which i shouldve brought in the 1st place.
415pm - constant communication with chief, who'se also busy, but is my best chance to make sure i dont miss anything.
530pm - stuck again. i realize this is beyond me. i text the chief i'm stuck.. He replies i'll come over after. THANK GOD.
830pm - its running. FAR from as well as we would want it, but running. thisll do for now. but further repair needed.
9pm - we have dinn, and starbucks. i am elated, relieved, grateful.
10pm - i get home and fall asleep in my clothes.

-- today --

7am - i wake up from time to time thinking about it. wait until 7 to check. heart skips a beat as the webpage loads. whew. check emails if they're downloading. good. double whew.
8am - sent out feelers to techie friends looking for someone who can do the rest of the stuff for me. this is hacker level stuff and is beyond me. my forte is elsewhere and its better to trust the pros.
9am - i am hiding in ym from my client, whose about to ask if im ready to go with what i was supposed to finish yesterday. i still have to go back to my ortigas client to pick up my PC, and recommend what we should do. might be there all afternoon.
931am (right now) - ok. time to face the music ;)

wow man sobra galing peepai

2004-11-04T13:28:00.000+08:00

kung kelan ko kailangan ka, ayun.. andyan ka.. SA AUSTRIA.

anyway wereber. i really needed that. that was soo funny. haha. fair warning lang. i know your address. kaya't padadalhan kita ng.. COMPLETE COMPILATION.. na ngayon mismo'y sinisigurado ko na kumpleto, by comparing yung na d/l ko na sa mga irc lists. da old school way hehe. pati na rin yung wow-man-we-so-rock-nohh? WOLFGANG mo, na di ko ma-take sa totoo lang.

i mean like, basti's so galing dibah?

phleez ;)

nyway maiba tayo.

i'm fairly sure blogs, or journals for that matter, are meant to be open and sincere. Hence it despairs me to note this is not, or can-not, be the case on certain matters - crucial ones to boot.

and so i am at present sitting on a parkbench with a huge question mark reading the paper beside me. As soon as he checks who won the elections he'll start bothering me again, as if the issues i face aren't hard enough as it is.

please don't tell me i think too much, as it's to say my thoughts aren't of value. Primarily because i just can't stop doing so and besides, you may be right, adding further to the weight.

and so i dont really have an answer at the moment. I can stare at this entry until the phosphors burn my eyes, making me think that if it burns through my brain it'd actually help, stirring parts of it might awaken a suggestion. Or a meaning. Or a solution.

but i cant. and so I take my leave with that.

bakit hindi ganon kasikat si Craig David?

2004-10-30T13:59:00.000+08:00

(the ff. was supposed to be posted yesterday but i fell asleep)

i was planning to do a lot today, including collect and cash a check, buy pirated dibidees and a 2nd hand phone for my mom at ghills, buy automotive paint & stuff at cubao (mura dun), plus work some.

..but.. iba ang nangyari...

{## flashback effects ##}

So how many did Gary really get done?!
Contestant No. 1? All you say?! I'm sorry no.
Contestant No. 2? 3 out of 5 maybe?! You're guessing aren't you?!
Contestant No. 3? 1?! Is that 1 out of 5 I hear?!

ding!ding!ding!ding!ding!

And We Have A Winnneeerrrr!!

after coming back from Makati I decided to pick up my gear for a game later to save time before going to ghills. But as I tried to sneak past my bed, it came up from behind and grabbed my ankles. Vainly I made for the door but two pillows gripped both my arms as another one wrapped around my head, while the blanket turned on the electric fan! I tried my best, but my efforts proved vain as the sinister bed and its evil cohorts prevailed once again.

{## end flashback effects ##}

ok now to present time:

woke up to the realization that hell, I HAVE TONS TO DO. I've yet to finish a project, and i'm actually worried i might not be able to not because i don't know how (marunong na ako), but I dont have the time. it takes a lot of patience to do that stuff, meanwhile my other clients have been waiting patiently for me to get my ass going on other to-dos in the backburner.

medyo nagsisimula na umiral ang hiya ko, which means sometimes inuuna ko certain things kahit wala sa sked kasi nagpaparinig yung client ko. i hate it when that happens, kasi it only means added pressure, as if the work itself isn't hard enough.

to add to that, i had an injury last night i didn't really pay attention to, so when i woke up my left hand was really sore and black and blue. i wrapped it in bandage to keep the fleshy part and my thumb stable, but as a result i can only type with 9 fingers. di naman gano kahirap kasi it turns out i seem to only use my left thumb for the spacebar, so after 1 second of adjustment yung kanan na ang nagtratrabaho so ok na.

ok i just read the last paragraph. did i just talk about my thumb? god that was boring. Sus.

anyway, sige. i've already started on the stuff. i balanced my checkbook and paid the bills. I've called the guy who'll paint my car to get going (everyone all together now: YYYAAAAAAHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!), and hopefully he'll start next week. I've gotten a haircut (#2. as usual). I've taken a shower to get rid of the itchy cut hair and now my breath smells fresh and minty, while the rest of me smells like cologne (yes im still addicted to a cologne na kahit sa house lang ang bango bango ko. lewzr.).

so now I'm all set and ready to... sleep. Oh and watch ictsi-dlsu vs. addictmobile-ateneo (just checked mypbl.com. my what a stupid website they have). tamang tama may time pa ako bumili ng vcut at malamig na coke para habang nanonood...

taena pano yung mga to-do ko. i'm in trouble.

bball post. siemps.

2004-10-27T11:12:00.000+08:00

naglaro ako nung fri & sat last wk in a surprisingly competitive mini alumni league, obviously katas ng excitement sa 'aming' recent victory (as if may kinalaman kami dun diba. I mean come on man.)

anyway, bagamat sinubukan ang lahat, olats pa rin kami sa best of three format. Kalungkot considering kakampi ko one of the best players sa league, whom i shall refer to as 'pogi', na kadalasan kalaban at parati kong assignment sa bantayan dahil same position/weight/bilis kami although older ako by 5 yrs and taller siya. Hell I'm the oldest in almost every gathering. Anyway so nung nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataon magkampi i think pareho kaming excited, pero being macho guys siempre dehins namin pinapahalata diba :P.

problema lang yung 'committee' na nagform ng teams medyo pinuno yung other positions sa team namin with other guys na same height (my polite way of saying na dehins sila gaano kabilis gumalaw), para daw ma-'offset', whatever the ckuf that means, kaya yun. Usually naman parating sablay ang mga committee committe e. Anyway wala kaming more than 6'1 ang height so wala kaming rebounds at kawawa ang defense namin.

masasabi ko lang tindi naman ng offense namin, dahil nga feeling namin wala kaming chance, we played our hearts out, at several times during the game nag connive kami ni pogi in very exciting plays. Siguro 20pts each kami tig-isa, kaso nga lang dahil wala kaming pahinga lawit ang dila namin sa bandang huli. It's the kind of loss that makes you scream "FUCK" after the buzzer sounds, which I seldom do, but is exactly what I did. We gave it everything we had pero ala talaga.

anyway, the point is, oks na kami ni pogi. siguro ilang upakan na ang katumbas ng mga lahat lahat na suntok siko tadyak ang pinagbibigay namin sa isa't isa over the past years, kaya unlikely nga na mangyari yun, pero after the game sabi niya sa susunod gusto niya kampi kami uli. Siemps sabi niya para makabawi ek ek. Andun na yun pero siempre thats another macho guy way of saying na tiyak, nag enjoy siya. Buti naman, kasi langya kahit halos bugbog ako dun at ilang mura na ang sinalo namin sa isa't isa nung kalaban ko pa siya, wala akong gusto maging kakampi bukod sa kanya. Minsan lang ako makakita ng kasing buo ang loob tulad niya.

====

dagdag kwento lang: actually di ako nakamura nung pangalawang talo namin, or kahit throughout the game, dahil nanood yung dalawang pamangkin ko na boy and girl (13 and 10). SO whenever I felt like it, I had to turn my head away or something, para di halata, as if that fooled anyone of course, least of all them.

at any rate, after the game medyo nagdadabog pa ako sa inis, not at anyone or anything in particular of course. Siempre we tried really hard, tsaka pinapunta ko pa sila. Minsan lang manood yun dalawa. So pagkatapos magbihis nung hindi ko makita yung dalawa sa may kotse nainis ako lalo.

Yun pala nagsho-shooting yung boy sa loob, siempre mainit pa ulo ko as they didn't wait by the car like I told them to. Pero nung pagsasabihan ko sana, biglang sinabi ng kapatid niya "Tito, kuya said he wants to be just like you."

So as he was practicing shots, I went and hugged him as tight as I could.

although I couldn't help thinking to myself. No, you won't be. You're going to be better. You've GOT to be better.

back in the day

2004-10-22T07:53:00.000+08:00

i was a BIG janet jackson fan. still am actually. so what, no? well here's the thing. (BIG sharing moment coming up.)

i actually wrote to her.

yup. there was a mailing address asking for postcards at the back of her album (in case you're wondering, yes, it was vinyl), so i sent her one. that's right. this was pre-internet, snail mail days, so it took awhile, and guess what? every year for three years I got a signed(?) poster and a cassette (yes. cassette.) of her latest single in the mail.

I was a kid then, too shy to tell anyone, but when the goodies came in, i told people, and you know what? I bet the bank they started writing their fave artists too. It wasn't even write-write anyway. I told them just send a cheesy postcard of the Mayon Volcano or the Folk Arts Theater or something, tapos yun, malay mo di ba.

anyway, for some reason i woke up singing this:

We go deep
And we don't get no sleep
'Cause we be up all night
Until the early light

major case of lss. hangover nung last wkend. so yun. la lang. haha. eighties and early nineties Janet rrrr-rrrocked my world.

---

ok in other news, i'm in a little bit in trouble.

i have gone and said yes to a client when in fact, i have no idea how the crap to do what he wants me to do, so this whole weekend i'm gonna burn this here monitor studying and practicing. Not that I hadn't done that before (agreed to do something I didn't know how to do (yet). However, the time frame is tight, and it happens to coincide with a 3 day quickie basketball tournament my alumni set up starting tonight till Sun.

So medyo I'm in a fix, and no matter how I check out the calendar, i know its not gonna work out like a proper sked should. I mean, really, honestly, when you mark 3-5pm in your calendar as 'study time', do you really, honestly, study?

*(pause)*

shit. some of you do, don't you.

well unlike you aliens, i sleep. i eat. i play nba live. i d/l mp3s. i blogsurf. i blog. i work on other client projects. i watch mulawin. no, heaven forbid i don't watch mulawin. it's not even on the right time slot (but then again, why do i know the right time slot eh?). But I swear, even if it's the crappiest show on earth, at 3-5pm i'd probably be watching it just to spite my sked. on the dot. its a goddam curse.

nyway. di bale. like i said, it hadn't been the first time. which means, due to the fact i'm still around, that i survived the previous times.

besides. there's a distinct reason why i took this job. para mapadali yung ultimate goal ko. what is my ultimate goal? haha. thats for another post. (pa mysterious epek).

nyway, sige na nga. i'm babbling. cya!

if the feeling of anxiously waiting to jump

2004-10-20T19:22:00.000+08:00

like epileptics, arm in arm in an Octoberfest at 2am with friends, woozy drunk, getting doused with beer some loser's spilling from the 2nd floor, while singing / screaming along with the band that's working it's way towards 'Everybody, EVERYBODY, Get Into It, Get Stupid, GET RETARDED GET RETARDED GET RETARDED!', along with a thousand people doing the exact same thing at the same time just like in the video - isn't someone's idea of an experience to have before one dies, then I highly recommend a priority makeover.

that was the most fun i had since forever. i swear, it's been years, but every year we prove to ourselves we still know how to party :)

quick update(s)

2004-10-15T10:43:00.000+08:00

- after checking the tournament skeds, I've decided to think twice. It's a tight fit, and there's a possibility of a bball league and other events coming up soon i dont wanna miss. This means I'll only be playing with friends on Wednesdays.

The only gripe I have about badminton is also why I play it too. Badminton is as much a social event as a sport, catering to a decidedly abc crowd. There are therefore ripe opportunities to make business and / or social contacts that I would not otherwise have. However, the standing / sitting around checking / getting checked out while waiting for your turn at the court is something I've never been comfy with, and I'm wary of people who treat this as a social affair rather than what it should be.

Such a marked difference from basketball. I used to come to games wearing only shorts, tennis sneakers and a ratty shirt, which often got hung on some bench midway so it'd be dry when I go home. Bringing an extra shirt or your wallet invited theft, and refreshments was a nearby faucet, or ice-tubig from a store, usually only if you win a bet.

Regardless, that is where my heart is, because all you needed to bring was game. And to a confused, frustrated city kid like me way back then, dealing with issues and trying to find something real, nothing could be purer than that. One day I'll write about it in more detail.

- friends told me about this blogger guy who's been going around, and a text last night that I was 'like him, which is great', made me check it out with a little more interest (which is to say, i actually read it). After which, I decided - other than our being around the same age, that we both blog, and that we worship the gym, I think we're very little alike. One thing that's obvious though, boy has he got the full-on writing-for-chicks thing going. Girls are fairly dying to meet this guy, and I'm sure he's getting his pick.

That kind of confidence is exhilarating, so if I were to meet him, I'd sincerely say good for him. I wish I had half his confidence.

- ok, running out of time now, so quick checklist. enough clothes? - check / mp3 player? - check / toothbrush, shave stuff? - check / phone charger? - check / trunks? - check / plastic bag for wet stuff? - check. my bag's waiting at my feet, and i'm all shiny, new and with a better perspective of life after a shower. Will just pickup and pay something in ortigas, sign a check and do a meeting at makati, then I'm out of the city, back on Monday. have a knockout weekend and see y'all soon!

Ciao bella!

today doesnt look good

2004-10-13T10:28:00.000+08:00

first of all im sick. thing is, i'm hardly ever sick. most of the time i just brush it off and am ok halfway through the day, but this one looks like a doozy. my seasonal rhinitis is in full force, and as the days get colder I'll get worse, unless I do something fast. i wake up in a sweat at odd hours of the night and have weird, sometimes scary sometimes funny dreams :). I dislike taking pills but until i think of something better i'll have to work with antihistamines and loads of vitamin c.

second, yesterday my ex texted with terrible news. Two good friends' hopes for a child after 9 years of marriage were bashed yesterday. I wrote about them in my previous blog when I went to their despedida. She was pregnant for a few weeks, but yesterday complications arose and all their efforts including a long trip to Taiwan for a difficult and not to mention very expensive operation to get artificially impregnated are lost.

I can't describe how disappointed myself and my friends are with this. We've been friends since kindergarten (really) and our families know each other well, so even my sister, mom, and even my ex, who became close to the girl when we were together, are all affected. Frankly, who wouldn't when it comes to things like this? they've been together 9 years, are well off, and I can't think of a couple more deserving to have kids than they.

anyway, there's really nothing more i can write after that. only thing on my mind is maybe two things - that bigotry around child-less couples is probably less than previous generations, but still apparent. and second, these are the times when the only thing you have is hope.

actually got stuff

2004-10-11T16:10:00.000+08:00

to blog about. funny, considering that i have no life. but off the top of my head:

- i'm signed up to a badminton tournament. for some reason, likely out of boredom, i texted a friend if he wasn't playing badminton anytime soon, to which he replied, "oo ba! sakto may tournament signup kita!", and before I knew it, I have tryouts on Wednesday, 8-10PM Greenhills Badminton Center. Haven't played in ages, but I look forward to it. I'm not particularly badminton crazy, but I love the thrill of competing. The energy is addicting, I'm not signed up on any bball league so far, and, well, I need to get a life, so why not? =)

- i recently had, uhmm.. misunderstandings with two women, for various reasons. One is ok now, just a tampuhan thing, while another was more serious, as it involved a client, and an implied allegation of incompetence on my part. Now this particular one was a doozy, as it had gone on for months. But last Saturday at their office I had no choice but to face her, and we had ourselves a good old heated discussion.

To make the long story short, I am fairly convinced it was nothing more than a misunderstanding. However, it is obviously much more to her. She went on and on about my 'attitude', which I didn't mind mainly because I knew myself well enough, but she also implied incompetence, which I did mind because it might affect my retainer.

At any rate, there was no winning either way, and besides the big bosses had already decided, with their silence, to continue retaining me. so I offered my hand in apologies and truce. To which she smiled, said okay, and handed me an envelope. I thought it'd be a peace note, but instead it was pieces of equipment that she claimed broke because of me, while saying that sure, she'll agree to truce only because out of respect for her bosses.

I shook my head, smiled, placed the envelope back on her desk and said goodbye. I can leave it at that, but obviously, she cannot. At that point I realized, I'm glad to be a guy. Guys, see, have a more direct approach to solving such things. Basically, we just start hitting each other, and whoever's left standing is 'right'. I know it's barbaric, but from where I come from, that's the way it's done. If she really wanted a truce she'd do it for herself, and not for her boss's or anyone else's sake. Seriously, I caught myself thinking I wish she were a guy, so she could just try to beat me up, and finally have it out of her. I'd have gladly obliged.

- in other news, i can't stop thinking about a girl. odd, considering she doesn't approve of me. Why then?

- Im fixing up Rosa's blog. Anyone wants work done on theirs let me know. Yung mga nakakakilala sa akin nood kayo ng tournament ko ha? =).

i suppose Raising Helen would've been interesting..

2004-10-08T09:07:00.000+08:00

if it had a point.

wimbledon is worth watching for:

2004-10-07T11:25:00.000+08:00

a. Paul Bettany - In A Knight's Tale, he made more of an impact than the leading man. Proof - do you even remember the leading man? So now he's the lead, you kinda cheer for him - tapos yung role niya underachieveing player in a big tournament. Quite apt.

b. The tennis scenes - Are those CGI enhanced? They're very well made.

c. The player's concentration - Imho Baseball and Tennis are two sports where an athlete has to battle his own wits as much as the opponent. I played tennis before I played basketball, and the scenes where you literally scream inside your head to concentrate, to try to filter unimportant thoughts, to battle self doubt from taking you over, are exactly like it really is.

Other sports don't give you much time to think, most of the action is so fast you act on instinct and training. But when serving in tennis, or pitching in baseball, you are alone with your thoughts, the pressure can get tremendous and it's easy to choke.

d. But most of all, it's this:

A Porsche 356 Spyder

Unfortunately, it's better known, although mistakenly, as the car James Dean died in. He actually died in a Porsche 550 Spyder, a true racecar, but he also owned a 356.

Seeing the car run around in the beautiful English countryside, hearing the exhaust of that fantastic 1500 cc flat four "Boxer" engine just makes my insides churn. It is a thing of complete beauty. Wow.

e. Hmm what else - oh yeah it's a romantic comedy date-movie - with standard pretty leading lady Kirsten Dunst. Admit it though, she breezes through stuff like this, and you could interchange her with, say, Julia Stiles, Claire Daines, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Reese Witherspoon, or any pre-Julia Roberts star and you'd have your standard American perky chick.

I like the scenes where she runs with Bettany though, it's a first for most leading ladies in romantic comedies, and maybe girls who like to correlate movies like this with their lives can take a hint.

But who cares? It's a SOP formula date movie for both guy and girl. Quick pace, shallow feel good plot, kilig scenes in proper places, cute British nuances and slang strewn about for good measure, the guy wins the girl and the Wimbies in the end. It'll get the job done for the girl, the sports stuff will work out for the guy, and it might even give tennis, considered a boring sport, some promotion.

But to me, a gauge of a movie are the thoughts you have of it an hour after leaving the theater. And all I can remember is The Car. THE CAR.

three weeks ago

2004-10-07T01:08:00.000+08:00

i told someone she was a better writer than me. I lied. Not intentionally mind you. Fortunately, she told me she didn't think so. Initially that annoyed me. I thought, marunong ka pa. Much later on though, I decided she was right. She isn't. At least not yet.

Anyway, i suppose its time i write about my writing, my first time to do so. Inasmuch as i've written about basketball and my work, i suppose i should write about that too, being a distinct part of me.

so here goes.. a story about why i lied.

so i was writer once. i wrote for different magazines and a daily. i was prolific, i wrote for several publications and made longish 5k-3k word articles about this or that. and i got noticed a bit, they liked my work enough to ask me to keep sending them stuff, and a good part of my monthly income came from regular writing stints. High points were when I heard my articles regularly being read on the radio (the radio station had a deal with the daily I wrote for), and readers would email me how they liked what I read.

However, one situation stood out. I was having breakfast at McDo Greenhills when I recognized some words someone was reading, I turned around to see a Fil-Chinese old man reading funny portions of an article I wrote aloud to his wife and kid, who laughed too.

I was astounded that anyone was actually reading it. Sitting there choking on my orange juice, I couldn't believe it. After writing regularly for awhile, you tend to see your work as just another deadline beater. Just another to-do item ticked off your list or another check to collect next month. But to see it actually being read, by real people five feet away, and enjoyed, the way you wrote and planned it to be, just floored me.

And this was why i was telling her she was a better writer than me.

See, I wanted to build her confidence, Because I Want Her To Experience That. The absolute best feeling in the world - or at least my version. You see, at that moment, I was completely fulfilled. It may seem trivial, weird even. But really, that was what it was all about.

So yeah, I was silly trying to trick her into believing what I said. In retrospect, if she had agreed I probably wouldn't respect her anymore. The reason I did that however, was clear. To be a writer, its not enough to just have talent. You have to be passionate. To be sad and miserable when no one reads you, to be annoyed and affronted when someone doesn't understand you, to be overwhelmed with euphoria when a complete stranger appreciates you.

I believe she has all that. Raw, for sure. But it's there.

So it was a silly lie. Frankly, it doesn't really matter who's better than who. It doesn't even matter how much money you make. The important thing is, you achieve fulfillment in your work. You pursue a passion. That you lay it all out there and risk looking like a fool and getting your work laughed at.

But eventually, because you are persistent, because you are purposeful, and because you have talent, you get published. And maybe one day, you'll feel ecstatic when a Fil-Chinese old man will read funny portions of an article you wrote aloud to his wife and kid, who'll laugh too - or at least have your own version.

Instead, I should have told her, that as long as you doggedly pursue your passion, you will succeed. The money, believe it or not, will then take care of itself.

But I didn't know how to say that, and so I made up a lie. I guess it's appropriate then, that I express what I wanted to say by writing it instead.

I hope she reads this.

you know you need to get a life when..

2004-10-03T15:40:00.000+08:00

on a sunday, you get excited about studying how to make tables in css, spend five straight hours and through lunch doing so, get annoyed you didn't use half the time to study something else, get dizzy trying to study that something else, get more annoyed because you got dizzy, decide to take a nap instead so you can rest before a bball game later, then lie in bed awake excited about using your new basketball shoes, then realize you just blogged about it.

anyway, maiba tayo.

nahalata ko nag archive na yung mga magagandang pics ko nung volks, at natitira na lang si voltes five paper fastener. So para di maging corny itsura ng site ko, here's a pic of my desktop

la lang.

pati yaya naka-green.

2004-10-01T09:14:00.000+08:00

to rosa: im so glad naka experience ka ng ganong level na game. minsan lang yon in a lifetime. its something i want all schools to see and feel so that maybe they'd support their own with the same intensity as well. tama ka about opposing fans quieting down when they dont feel up to it and cheering only when their team is winning - it actually disheartens the players believe it or not.

more than ever, i'm convinced the key to the win is the support of the whole la sallian community and alumni. they're cheering not just for a team but the whole school, system, friends, barkada, relatives. That's why you see whole families there, from the parents, kids, grandkids, tito, tita, and whoever else hanging around their family, bfs/gfs, neighbors, exes, flings, etc., all end up getting caught up and supporting it too.

reason why im stating above is maybe because i've started to overlook that fact over the years, and it took cardona's thank you's to that same community to remind me of that. that same community of alumni and friends had also helped me many years after graduation. Truth is I did not really care for the whole uaap show years ago when i transferred from another College, quickly dismissing it as elitist just like many people who don't understand it do. I started to appreciate it only when I realized that the reason why DLSU follows the games so ferociously was they weren't necessarily cheering merely for something so ambiguous or opaque as 'school pride', or 'honor'.

They were cheering for their brother's friends, who hung out at the house after school a lot and they eventually got close with. They were cheering for ate's pretty classmate, who also has a great sense of humor. They were cheering for Tito's ka-brods and business associates, who hung out at the house talking basketball until late. They were cheering for their batch 1960's Dad, who would trade endless barbs with their Tito from another school, and whose whole life seems to revolve around DLSU's games.

In my case, I was cheering my former Professor turned TV analyst. I was cheering the coach and his brothers whom we skipped class with years ago so we can play all those crazy epic pick up games at Valle with the cross town rivals. I was cheering for my batchmates, and our part of the community who keep in touch and share business and contacts with each other, and help each other whenever we could.

in short, we were cheering for a whole life we made for each other. and not just a basketball game.

that is why you hardly sit down during our games, why you can't hear your partner screaming five inches away into your ear, why you see whole families watching with babies in tow. And why you wouldn't be surprised to see na pati yung yaya naka green.

this is nuts

2004-09-29T15:16:00.000+08:00

its 3pm, havent had lunch yet, and im totally famished, but can't leave my pc because it hasn't downloaded a 23mb website yet. It's cut off twice now and i dont wanna leave it unguarded.

anyway, i got this new client. HOOOOOOOOORRRRRAAAAAAYYYYY!! (tama ba spelling? ewan..)

sa kanya yung website na dinodload ko ngayon. marami pagagawa..

tapos, so nagkahalo halo na ang excitement ko, mega gutom, some anxiety sa dinodownload ko na di matapos tapos, i decided i wanted to treat people. (told you i was hungry, parang nag factor in yung gutom ko kaya gusto ko kumain, at may reason naman so treat ko na rin. weird.).

anyway, one's got dinner plans, the other hasn't replied yet, and the other replied tomorrow na lang. so ngayon, medyo loser ang dating, kasi gutom-jones na ko, gusto ko manlibre, tapos wala akong mahanap. lol.

a basta. langya. new client. i can get the car fixed. the house fixed. buy a new a/c. pay the bills. pay my overdues. get cable. buy a new Yamaha ...

come to think of it. parang nagpipilit ako maghanap kung ano gusto ko bilhin. i can live without those. in fact, i could get them now na if i wanted to.

i'm blessed. thank God.

im hungry.

yep. what else but... a bball post.

2004-09-26T20:37:00.000+08:00

truth is i wanted to make a 'fearless forecast' a few days ago, but neglected to because i was too busy (naks). anyway, i wanted to make my prediction for the finals: 2-0 in favor of feu.

buti na lang i didnt do it, of course because dlsu beat the bejeezus out of them sa first game. pero now after i watched the second game, this time im gonna make one.

feu will take it all on thursday.

of course i may come out wrong, but im a betting man, always have been, so i'll lay it all out there.

of course too, im animo all the way. but that guy arwind and his crew are just men playing with boys. dlsu has to bleed for points, explaining those spectacular plays. they have to be spectacular to be productive.

ok to be really analytical about it, dlsu's big men are their weak spot. gaco, cabatu and benitez aren't all that, and only maierhoffer is impressive, but he's still a year or two away from primetime. feu's santos, yabut and isip are seniors, and are therefore steady and productive, and he's not MVP for nothing. Feu's weak spot are the guards. Rizada, chan and cutler are on and off, and strangely enough, Miranda although in the mythical five, seems to lose it under pressure. you can see it in his eyes.

On the other hand, guards are what's dlsu's all about. first thing i said when i saw arana was "who is this guy?". He's verry good, although he needs to lift weights. JV Casio is an exact copy of superstar guard and fellow Bedan Gerry Esplana, its uncanny. Ty is actually starting to look for shots, and I see him give back an elbow or two from time to time, he's getting to be exciting to watch. Then of course, there's Yeo, and Da Mac Daddy. Need I say more?

So that seems to even out, right? Well no, because in basketball, height is always might, and if the two come out with the same effort, FEU will always get more rebounds because they have more ceiling and better forwards and center. And you can win games just on that - more rebounds.

Then again, dlsu can make up for it with better effort as they had shown the last time, when they caught FEU flat footed. They have very fiery and highly trained guards. However, there's no way I can predict for effort, fire, emotion, and things like that.

So that's the thing. If I go with my heart, it'll always be Taft. Well, ganun naman talaga e. Even if we had Mini-me as point, Sleepy and Dopey as guards, Mahal and Mura as forwards, and Gary Coleman at center, it'll always be Taft.

But if I go with the odds, it looks like FEU.

Sigh.

the week upon review

2004-09-24T18:37:00.000+08:00

reveals an extreme lowpoint, around Wed evening, when attempting to hire car from sibling, was met with frustration, and inspite of eventual approval, i eventually did not go still, in consideration of her extreme hesitation to do so, and various excuses, all of which i unfortunately, and eventually, interpreted as a stinging insult to myself.

now, mind you, i am one to find the idea of arguing about material items amongst family, or anyone for that matter, an insufferable and wholly pointless exercise. regardless, i decided that was beyond material, and i could not help spending many hours pondering, especially in light of the fact i am more than generous with my own possessions. Unfortunately, damage was done. her words hurt, i am not usually so, but there it is. i felt like i was made to beg. i did not appreciate that, and i was bitter. hateful, and not a little vengeful. begrudgingly so.

thu passed without incident, then fri lead to some light, from a very unexpected source at that. the Great Mystery Girl of my life suddenly made a comeback, out of the deep blue mysterious place from wherever Great Mystery Girls stay, and called, apparently bored, embarrassed at such it seemed. Now, to talk about her requires a whole new blog in itself, so i will spare the details, and discuss instead, when after a few minutes of not really interesting conversation, not helped by the fact i was at work, or trying to, i decided to pull back my chair, and say, "hey, i'll tell you something..", and proceeded to relay said lowpoint experience in detail, as described above.

to which, after recognition that my reaction was but normal, and human, she said, "huwag mo siyang isumbat sa mga ginagawa mo para sa kanya.", which was surprising. But before knee jerk dismissal, and contradiction, she proceeds: "because really, that is what you're doing."

there are many ways i could respond to that, other than ignore. i could argue, why would she find fault in me, me supposedly being the victim here. i could relay the story again, to maybe convince her it is as such, or i could even discuss how others have responded with less than peaceful recommendations and that i even reciprocate in kind.

problem is, after a mere ten seconds of thinking, she's right.

so now i realize many things.

Me? i was narrow-minded and petty. my pride, which i usually refer to as useless, got the better of me.

My sister's refusal to share? frustrating, but its her privilege to do so, and I just have to accept that.

My anger? Baseless, and if you think about it, actually belittles what good things i've done for her.

and The Mystery Girl? She's worth the chase.

today i will..

2004-09-22T09:41:00.000+08:00

a. go to lto qc to get a replacement for my lost license (yes i had been driving the past, oh, 5 months without one).
b. go to ghills to fetch my retainer from a client.
c. go to metrobank to pay a hosting company their monthly thing.

optionals:

d. go watch bourne identity, a movie of a book i enjoyed ages ago, which as usual, detracted a great deal from the original, but is still ok to watch.

e. go watch the ncaa finals, which for me is way better than the recent uaap playoffs, mainly because the teams are evenly matched and both very good, unlike the latter which is watching a more polished, up and rising team pummel a less talented one, whose time will come two or three years later still. the only deciding factors to the ncaa finals (altas vs. dolphins), is of the who-will-panic-first-will-lose variety, and of course luck (a given), making for more exciting games, the way its supposed to be as far as im concerned.

f. return the phone i bought at ghills so i can buy a friend's 2nd hand one instead.

g. work on a client's proj.

so there you go. plan a will start in a few minutes, plan b requires a pre-visit text to proprietor/client to give them time to prepare a check. however, she arrives around lunch, and i dont want to text her too early. this means i will only know what to do after plan a. during it. plan c. is also wholly dependent on plan b, as the bank where i cash the check also happens to be where i can pay the hosting company.

option plan e. takes precedence over option plan d., because the finals are only today, while the movie can wait. option plan f. however is dependent on plan b., because i'd be in the area anyway and i can maximize the trip. besides im still not sure about buying it. option g. can also wait for later, unless i am unable to execute option plan e. if i arrive too late for it, or of course, if i'm up to it. A luxury, as it is not imperative as of the moment.

okay im off.

i'm not going to church today

2004-09-19T21:14:00.000+08:00

ive been going for the past two months, and before that every other week or so. Usually after the last UAAP game, I go to the 630pm at St. Francis Pasig.

now this post isn't about the Church, or Religion, or God, or anything like that. just about me not going to Church today.

Of course I know I should, but this post isn't about that either. It's about a problem. See, to put it as clearly as possible, the sermons suck.

There are three priests there, a young dude, an ancient relic of Spanish/Portugese descent, and another guy. The dude is fire and brimstone, the other guy somewhat less. They're both very negative, with sermons that basically condemn everyone to hell. That is, if the second guy could work around to getting to a point after his ten minute drivel, but predictably, he'd always conclude that unless we 'change' or something like that, we're all doomed. The old man seems the nicest of the bunch, but i cant understand every other word he's saying.

sometimes i want to go up to the fire and brimstone dude. He can't be three or four years older than me, and tell him, 'dude, sup? you ain't getting it done', or something like that. i cant help but consider that people are taking precious time off from their one day of rest of the week, to come here and listen to what, ranting? his high school level angst? i mean come on, he's got to do better than that. i mean, let's not even think of higher intentions here. just make it interesting for chrissake. show us why we're still here. explain the relevance of the Church in the light of how screwy this world has become. stop telling us we're doomed, dammit, and instead explain clearly why you think so, and how to get out of it. Blind faith is considered and all, but we need answers. some of us have intellect. some of us really actually think. all of us really want to know. no, some us are desperate to know.

And so that's the reason why im here blogging. after i watched the game, i took a shower, dressed up, then decided to log-in for a bit, checked email, and ended up doing work. it started to engross me, i buckled down to it, the minutes turned to an hour, and now im sitting here checking out my work, ticking off my to do list a day earlier than i should.

oh well. guess ill go to a different church next week.

-----

man i cant believe de la hoya lost. i used to idolize that cocky sob. dang.

la lang..

2004-09-19T09:38:00.000+08:00

found this at my client's desk the other day..

been trying to think of a smart caption pero parang ang hirap gawan. :))

sobra panalo..

2004-09-18T20:04:00.000+08:00

check out chona's blog. salamat chong for the link =)

when i was knee high

2004-09-17T18:09:00.000+08:00

we had these Volkswagens..

there are others i've seen around Manila.

the one on the left is a rare single cab 'kombi', i saw one rusting away at araneta ave., qc, while the other is another variant called a 'squareback'. i saw a very pretty and probably expensive one somewhere near Boni where I live.

here's a pic from an ad of the 1968 Karmann Ghia i posted about below.

pretty ain't she? i dont really feel bad about not getting it, first of all, those things are really expensive. The convertible versions like in the Colgate commercial especially so, probably in the US$ 30-40k for a good one.

But the one i really really want?

i was at Baguio last year, driving my friend's BMW (long story), when I spotted one. It's called a notchback, one of several VW Beetle 'variants' (same engine, drivetrain, etc but different shell in a bid to offer some variety). The one in the pic above with the white side wall tires, roof rack and white color is EXACTLY like the one we had. There are lots of good VWs in Baguio, probably preferred there because they perform well in the thin atmosphere. Anyway, it's the only one I've seen still alive, and more than anything, i wanted it. i have great memories of us being driven around in it, even jumping on top of it with my sisters, cousins and neighbors (hence I remember the roof rack). i just wanna go over there, make an offer to the owner, drive / tow it back to Manila, work on it and make it look new again. Good thing is, it's not especially rare nor a classic, so maybe i can get it for a reasonable price. I want. I really really really want.

so what am i doing about it? here's the plan. ive been wanting to learn how to work on cars since forever. i have an old Ford i had body repaired sitting in our garage. i plan to hire a painter to get it done at home, help him out and learn as well. after which, i'll sell the ford, then buy a rustbucket, maybe the single cab kombi above, and restore it on my own on weekends. kaya yan.

who knows, i might even go treasure hunting in Baguio.

forrest gump part deux.. almost

2004-09-17T16:53:00.000+08:00

the problem with The Terminal is that the lead character doesnt make sense. Seems either he's a simpleton or a genius at any one time. At one point, he's having a difficult time deciding whether he should escape the airport (and for goodness sakes, why not??), and at another, he thinks quick on his feet to help a desperate man smuggle drugs to his ailing father.

At one point, he's having a difficult time deciding whether he should escape the airport (i mean really, the movie doesn't explain why he doesn't do it! why not? why not?), and at another, he engineers a complex courtship to Zeta Jones character, learns English on his own, gets paid $19.00 an hour for contractual work and creates a beautiful fountain for her.

no sense, hence, no empathy. ergo, so so movie.

just passed by the area where its usually parked..

2004-09-15T20:47:00.000+08:00

and its not there anymore :(

in a tricycle one day, minding my own business, i saw this by the side of the road..

2004-09-15T14:42:00.000+08:00




i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it. i want it.

spent half the day

2004-09-13T19:13:00.000+08:00

shopping for a 2nd hand phone at ghills. still here actually, feet aching like hell and too tired to elbow people around for a cab, plus its raining so i decided to check email and waste time at a nearby netopia.

my final choices were a cheap siemens with good features (like gprs) or the slightly more expensive but drop dead cute panasonic gd55, which says its the smallest phone in the world, and is probably true.

at the end i chose the siemens because i dont believe in spending five figures or going into debt for a phone, and i think its a good deal. besides, the gd55's cuteness would eventually die down for sure.

i better start thinking about getting home. started out the day full of energy and got tons of stuff done. now its 7:16 and im bushed.

saturday night

2004-09-11T20:31:00.000+08:00

was spent removing the design from one of my old uniforms. i played for this team that hated my guts. We sucked, and I said we sucked, and they think I suck for saying so. My purpose in doing so however, was in line with a long term goal of eventually making us winners, done initially by impressing upon everyone the urgency of the situation, hence the utterance of my feelings, in not so many words, "we suck".

however, they being young and not knowing any better, this was met with unabridged hostility, and i was eventually removed by not getting invited again.

which is all water off a duck's back, as i went to a better team, they lost as i knew they would (they sucked), and i got all their benefits anyway, including a shoe allowance, and a nice uniform, whose design I spent saturday night removing, so I can use it in practice instead.

now, normally, one would say this is a loser thing to do. It's saturday night, I'm single, I have (some) derbs, i should party. Right?

well, nuh-uh.

the past weeks have been a whirlwind of activity, discerned, in my opinion, by the fact i have done far too many things far too much. i have spent too much. the money i earned that i thought would cover expenses plus leave some savings have all gone willy nilly, and im not even finished yet (have to buy a phone). i have gone out too much. This week alone, three movies, and a date. And last week, i worked out too much. Ran, skipped rope, lifted weights, made the mistake of eating an energy bar while fatigued, tried to play, and almost got sick. And finally, let's not even get into the emotion side of things. Of that I've had waaaaaay too much.

so tonight, i lay in bed watching ateneo get their asses handed to them by feu. tomorrow i'll watch the dlsu and feu lady teams go at it, followed by the cheering competition.

as my dateless, near penniless ass relaxed in bed, i felt a wave of content. im saving money. im not hurting anyone. im happy and content, removing the design off a jersey of a team whose players don't like me. i'll have this moment, thank you very much. this is good. for now.

i feel horrible about killing my old blog

2004-09-07T11:14:00.000+08:00

but in the long run it was probably for the best. i felt it was getting stuffy, i couldn't write the way i wanted to and about the things i wanted to, and it wasn't getting any easier.

but most of all of course, the reason was because of c.

i remember an instance when we were watching a movie or something. a guy character was doing something romantic for a girl, or he was feeling terrible about something that had to do with a relationship, and she said "guys are never like that".

at that point it hit me. I wanted to tell her, no, guys are like that. I know a few who did that. I did that myself.

it hit me that she deserves that feeling, to be smothered and cared for and chased by someone who's convinced that they can't breathe without the other.

it hit me that I didn't love her, and that I couldn't do that for her, and that if I told her that guys were like that, then why wasn't I being like that with her?

it hit me that we should split. of course i knew it would be hell for her. but the longer i prolonged it, the more hurt there would be. and that finally, its the right thing to do.

right now, i don't know what's going to happen. All I know is that it sucks. It sucks I deleted my old blog (trust me although it seems OA, it was necessary). It sucks that I hate myself for doing this to her. It sucks that I'm making her go through this. It sucks that my first post has to be this way. It sucks that whenever I break up with someone, I feel relieved, like a great weight is off my shoulders. It sucks that I feel guilty about that. It sucks that this is the fifth or so relationship I've had in a row where the result had been the same. It sucks that my first post has to be this way.

it sucks.

but all the same I'm hopeful.

Here's to my new blog. Hope things work out this time. Hi y'all :)